#201: Jolly Roger Sighted Off The Port Bow! [I V Stalin; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
@@NAME@@’s merchant navy has seen increasing attacks from swashbuckling pirates in recent months, devastating @@NAME@@’s foreign trade.
The Debate
1. “We should blow them out of the water!” says First Lord Admiral @@RANDOMNAME@@. “These waterlogged vagabonds have been plundering our ships for far too long! All our exports from the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry are going straight into their hands! It’s downright dangerous for us to let this continue! All we require is some funding for coastal patrol boats, fleet carriers, and nuclear submarines and a free hand to show these freebooters what’s what.”
The Results: NATION’s navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas.
Taxes +1
2. “Hello,” says a grog-swilling, peg-legged scurvy dog entering your office. “I’m @@RANDOMNAME@@, a mighty pirate. I’d like to suggest that instead of wasting all that money on attacking pirates you simply buy them off with barrels of bullion, jewels and Maxtopian gold! There’ll still be pirates around, sure, but as long as everyone’s paid off, they won’t hinder your trade. Not much anyway.”
The Results: the government is frequently held to ransom by the increasing demands of bloodthirsty pirates.
Economy +3
Taxes +1
3. “That’s the second biggest load of bilge I’ve ever seen!” says Captain Grapnel, CFO of Hispaniola Shipping Insurance, LLC. “Shiver me timbers, if these scurvy dogs don’t be cutting into me profit margin! Me comprehensive coverage has to pay out for victims o’ illegality, and of course theft be illegal in this country, bu’ that be giving me an idea – what if we were to have privateers? That is to say, if ye were to make piracy legal but with a quotar o’ sorts, like huntin’? That way me and mine can stay in business and ye can get a fine cut o’ th’ booty from licence fees! Savvy?”
The Results: the nation has become a pariah for giving pirates letters of marque.
Taxes -1
4. “Come now, that’s hardly fair,” argues ‘gentleman pirate’ Taupebeard de Gauche with a bow and flourish. “There is an ancient tradition of actively redistributing wealth on the high seas, and we active redistributors serve an important role in the global economy. You would not keep a family-run bookstore from handing down its business from generation to generation, would you? We simply ask, nay, demand the same right! And get rid of the word ‘pirate’. It’s a slur. We are corsairs – not common sea-faring thugs.”
The Results: piracy is the nation’s most popular pastime.
Civil Rights +2
————————————————————————
#204: Lack Of Doctors Needs Cure [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
A newspaper article revealed that patients are waiting months for the most urgent operations. Hospitals have blamed it on a lack of qualified doctors and nurses.
The Debate
1. “The problem is that there just aren’t enough incentives to enter the medical profession,” says Doctor @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We need to advertise government grants for medical students, give more funding to educational centres of medicine. If you don’t act quickly then @@NAME@@ will have a full-blown healthcare crisis!”
The Result: more and more students are taking up a career in medicine.
taxes +1
Averageness +2
Employment +2
Government size +1
Influence +1
Public Healthcare +4
Safety +3
Safety from Crime +1
Toxicity -2
2. “Nah, it’s just that we don’t have the numbers of graduates or young doctors needed to fill the gap before we have a ‘crisis’,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leafing through pages of statistics. “The best solution is to recruit doctors from abroad. If we snag ’em from the poorer countries then we won’t have to spend half as much as grants would cost us.”
The Result: half of NATION’s doctors can’t speak the language.
Employment +1
Ideological Radicality +1
Public Healthcare +1
3. “Or we could NOT waste money on bringing foreigners into the country,” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wealthy businessman. “And giving money to the students? How many of them do you think will stay the whole course, hmm? How many @@CURRENCY@@s are we going to burn on this? Our healthcare system is great, there are thousands upon thousands of nations that would give their right province for what we have. I think we can afford to let go of some of that funding and give the good people of @@NAME@@ a tax break, don’t you?”
The Result: healthcare funding has been cut.
Taxes -1
—————————————————————————–
#207: Secret Police In @@NAME@@? [GX-Land; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Anarchists have been covertly putting up anti-government posters all over @@NAME@@. Some of your closest advisors have suggested the implementation of a secret police force to deal with the more… difficult members of society.
The Debate
1. “Sometimes a government has got to deal with something without having to go through the ‘proper channels’,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who does not exist within any of @@NAME@@’s records. “It happens sometimes and we have to deal with it. It’s not just anarchists either – it’s the terrorists, the criminals, the traitors, and the goddamn hippies. With a secret police we can arrest the troublemakers and torture them to find other dissenters without having to worry about fiddly matters like human rights.”
The Results: rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons.
Civil Rights -2
Political Freedoms -36
Taxes +2
Ideological Radicality +5
2. “Don’t listen to that idiot!” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your more guilt-ridden henchpersons. “I don’t know how you feel about this but I think this would be a bad path for our government to go down. @@NAME@@ shouldn’t resort to deceit and off-the-record brutality to put away people. A secret police force would ruin our fine nation. It’s time our government was candid with its people and let them say what they want!”
The Results: anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper.
Civil Rights +8
Political Freedoms +36
Taxes -3
3. “Or how about we be candid AND have a secret police force,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ your head spy from behind a newspaper with eyeholes cut out. “We could just reassign all the normal police into secret police. The beauty of it is that we won’t have to bother solving crimes if it doesn’t benefit the government! It’s what we’ve always wanted! Not what the people want of course, but if they complain we can just make them… disappear.”
The Results: the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls.
Civil Rights -4
Political Freedoms -19
—————————————————————————–
#208: Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@ [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
A mine has collapsed in @@NAME@@ burying hundreds of workers. Calls have been made by the families to tighten up mining safety laws.
The Debate
1. “We need tighter laws to protect vulnerable miners!” moans @@RANDOMNAME@@, a family member of one of the victims. “The mines are being propped up by twigs, the hard hats might as well be made of polystyrene, and the inspectors are all bribed! New laws must be made and the people responsible for allowing this to happen brought to justice.”
The Result: mining safety laws are often more expensive than what’s being mined.
Civil Rights +3
2. “These allegations are ludicrous and unfounded,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the South @@NAME@@ Mining Company. “We use the finest twigs to build our mines and the last thing we need is the government tying us down with yet more rules. More safety laws means more expense means less profit and less profit means companies will look elsewhere to get their goods. You should leave us alone before you destroy thousands of jobs – do you really want that on your conscience?”
The Result: mining is the nation’s most dangerous occupation.
Economy +4
Taxes -1
—————————————————————————–
#210: Going Postal [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
It has come to your attention that there is some serious debate over whether @@NAME@@’s postal service should be either privatised or nationalised.
The Debate
1. “The postal system ought to be privatised,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, Director of PostHaste, a small package delivery company. “All the government is doing is putting the tax @@CURRENCY@@s of hard-working citizens into an outmoded and wasteful system. Private businesses can offer a much more efficient system with less junk mail. A little more expense on stamps is worth that right?”
The Result: urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines.
Economy +8
Taxes -2
2. “Uh huh? And what about those in rural or remote areas?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of @@NAME@@ Mail, the government-owned postal service. “If you privatise this business then they’ll get marginalised and ignored. With a nationalised service everyone can use the system and cheaply too. We provide a good service for our customers and have been doing so for a very long time! The postal service should be nationalised and all competition banned!”
The Result: postmen have been arrested in job lots for selling junk mail as home insulation.
Economy +7
Taxes +2
3. “There’s plenty of room for compromise,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a stamp collector. “How about we just privatise the mail system and allow other competitors to move in but continue with government funding to @@NAME@@ Mail? That way everyone can get their post and the companies can have their own slice of the pie. It’ll require an increase in tax to cope with losses to competition but not too much. I think. To be frank, I just want more stamps.”
The Result: the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service.
Taxes +1
—————————————————————————–
#212: Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries [Prasland; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
After delayed DNA evidence put a notorious rapist behind bars the police have demanded that it be mandatory for those accused of a crime to surrender blood and tissue samples to aid the elimination process.
The Debate
1. “I’m surprised this hasn’t been brought up sooner,” says Chief Constable @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If we have DNA samples of all the accused it will make solving crimes like rape and murder that much faster! Sure, some people will think it’s a tad invasive, but in my experience if you’re worried by something like giving up a few drops of the red stuff then you’ve probably got something to hide.”
The Result: crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1
2. “This is a breach of privacy in every meaning of the word!” criminal defence attorney @@RANDOMNAME@@ exclaims. “Or three words, but this is an outrage! It’s these peoples’ bodies, not the government’s nor the police’s. If they want to give a DNA sample it should be THEIR decision! Now I’ll admit there have been times when DNA sampling has helped solve a case or two but shouldn’t we be upholding the inherent right of every man and woman to have their body remain unmolested unless they should so choose it? Undoubtedly! DNA sampling should only take place with the person’s informed consent.”
The Result: crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed.
Civil Rights +4
3. “What about the victims of these crimes?” asks DI @@RANDOMNAME@@, ever gruff and stalwart in the face of adversity. “Do they not have rights? Their right to privacy’s been violated so it ought to be the responsibility of the criminal to give up his own. What I propose is the collection of DNA samples from every citizen in @@NAME@@ so we can track down the culprit if none of our suspects come up with anything. It’ll be expensive, sure, there’s @@POPULATION@@ people to go through… but it’s just a small blood sample. Don’t you think it’s worth it?”
The Result: every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries.
Civil Rights -5
————————————————————————
#214: Voting For More Money [Not Quite Dead Peoples; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
It has long been traditional in @@NAME@@ for Members of Parliament to set their own salary. This has, however, led to a recent vote in which members unanimously tripled their pay. Watchdog groups have spoken out against this.
The Debate
1. “Oh, wouldn’t the world be a happier place if we could all decide our wages,” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the World Of Watchdog, an anti-corruption foundation. “Who in their right minds would vote against getting more money with no strings attached? This quite obviously cannot be allowed to continue or where will it end? That money should be being used to fund hospitals, not personal luxuries! Well enough is enough! Politicians’ salaries should be set by public vote! Maybe then we’ll see something more reasonable!”
The Results: Members of Parliament are often found living in cardboard boxes.
Civil Rights +4
Economy -1
Political Freedoms +3
Taxes -2
Corruption -1
Rudeness -1
2. “I couldn’t agree less,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Member of Parliament. “Sure, some people might think that having eight cars and three secretaries is excessive, but I’m doing our country a valuable service. Probably one of the most important services there is: representing the people and deciding what course our country should take. It’s an incredibly stressful job and there’s no way we could do it with lower pay. Members of Parliament ought to be allowed anything they want in return for all they do for @@NAME@@. If we have what we want we’re less likely to take bribes too.”
The Results: politicians live in abject luxury.
Economy +1
Political Freedoms-30
Taxes +6
3. “Perhaps there’s a way to compromise,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an amateur economist, philosopher and lepidopterist. “The problem here is that politicians could either be paid too little or too much. What if we paid them just right by paying them according to how well they do their job? Keep a close monitor on the needs of their constituencies and give bonuses for resolving problems and coming under budget. It gives them a proper monetary incentive to do their jobs. Some will have a harder time than others and the whole idea may be costly but if it cracks down on corruption I’m all for it.”
The Results: Members of Parliament operate under a PAYE scheme.
Political Freedoms -1
Taxes +3
—————————————————————————–
#218: Two Mommies One Too Many? [Duffla; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
The commercial release of the controversial children’s book ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’ in @@NAME@@ has sparked debate over laws concerning the adoption of children by homosexual couples.
The Debate
1. “I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone could possibly be against this,” complains Jacob Kantelberg, showing up at your office wearing a pink feather boa. “Bart and I are good and caring people and will make excellent fathers, so what’s the problem? All of the scientific studies have shown that there’s no difference in the wellbeing of children raised by gay and straight couples. All that’s holding these little darlings back from the happy family life that they deserve is the outdated prejudices of some prudes. All we want is to adopt a child to call our own. It’ll be fabulous!”
The Result: an increasing percentage of the population’s youth have homosexual parents.
2. “I don’t care what these so-called scientific studies say,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, representing a number of conservative religious organisations. “How can a boy hope to develop properly into a man if he’s being brought up by poofs? A father figure is not supposed to behave as if it is ‘okay’ to be, um, romantically invested in another man – and the same goes for lesbians! Why? Because it is not okay. It’ll just give them gay! Think about it: say you have two gay @@ANIMAL@@s – they can’t have children because nature did not provide them with the tools and if God wanted gays to have kids then they would have those tools. Don’t legalise this blasphemy! Think of the children!”
The Result: child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed.
Godlessness -3
Religiousness +2
3. “This just doesn’t go far enough in my opinion,” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ an ardent opponent to homosexuality. “The more concessions we give these people, the more they’ll reduce our nation to the most embarrassing gayfest of all the region! We’ll be a joke! Homosexuality is a sin, and not only that it’s a disease of society and there’s no two ways about it. It must be criminalised and those responsible hanged just like in the good old days.”
The Result: homosexuality is a crime punishable by death.
Civil Rights +5
—————————————————————————–
#219: Nobody Expects The @@NAME@@ Inquisition! [Habardia; ed:The Most Glorious Hack]
The Issue
Some key figures of @@NAME@@’s major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.
The Debate
1. Cardinal Mortimer Gratwick, Archbishop of @@CAPITAL@@, demands you kiss his ring before telling you, “the Church encourages the formation of an Inquisition. However, it will only be to try those in error and put them on the right track to holiness; you needn’t worry about those nasty thumb-screws and we haven’t had a rack in ages, so we won’t be torturing people. Of course, in order to bring this noble plan into effect, the Holy Office must have jurisdiction over the civil courts.”
The Result: the Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land.
Civil Rights -6
2. “This is bloody outrageous!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the nation’s most important civil liberties movement, People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything, while jumping up and down in front of a television camera. “These damn ultra-conservatives will plunge us all into chaos! @@NAME@@ can never have an Inquisition! Everyone should have the right to think, say, believe, etc, whatever the damn they please. When was the last time you released a dove on a monthly basis? Huh? HUH?! That’s what I thought! It’s time to move beyond these primitive beliefs!”
The Result: radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion.
Civil Rights +2
Taxes -2
3. “The people of @@NAME@@ need more than an Inquisition,” pronounces @@RANDOMNAME@@, known fundamentalist tele-preacher, who pauses hawking the complete DVD collection to make some demands. “We must persecute all those who do not live according to the Book! The Lord has told me that the time has arrived to bring back the good old days! Back when we didn’t have all these touchy-feely, fuzzy-headed punishments. Prison? Ha! Like that’s a punishment! Stick those heathens in the stocks, or even better: bring back stonings! It’ll bring us into a new golden age!”
The Result: atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship.
Civil Rights -7
Taxes +2
Nationstates Issues 