#281: Free Internet For @@NAME@@? [Solisbury; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
After receiving four-digit internet bills, the people of @@NAME@@ are demanding that a free internet service be made available by the government.
The Debate
1. “The only way to ensure internet neutrality in @@NAME@@ is to place the internet under government control,” opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Telecommunications. “My ministry has been trying to reel in the unfair practices of these companies for ages, and now public sentiment is on our side. With an internet free of ‘premium access’ and content discrimination, @@NAME@@ will be the envy of @@REGION@@. Unfortunately, since providing free access would be enormously expensive, we’ll have to increase taxes slightly… but isn’t that a small price to pay?”
The Results: the internet has been placed under government control.
Economy +2
Taxes +4
2. High school principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, “The last time I checked, one of the purposes of the @@NAME@@ government was to provide a decent education for our children. More and more students are turning to online services as a way to accelerate their schooling. Online courses offer a wide range of education in academics and work-related skills. But not all my students have the internet, and there’s certainly no commercial incentive to lay down lines in farmland. The government needs to step in and provide a free internet for these students. Invest in our future!”
The Results: students abandon classrooms for online education.
Economy +1
Taxes +1
3. “Oh for the love of Violet!” bemoans conservative columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. ”The government has proven time and time again that it destroys everything it touches. Do you want your internet to be slow? Do you want to be taxed up the wazoo, thanks to government inefficiency? I sure don’t. Just let the market handle this for once. While you’re at it, take the money you would have used on this worthless endeavour and give your citizens a well-deserved tax refund instead.”
The Results: internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes -4
4. “Considering the absurd regulations we have to put up with, it’s no wonder we have to charge so much for our internet service,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ Speedy Internet Co. “Safety guidelines, minimum access mandates. If the government would get rid of all these regulations, we could lay down lines for less @@CURRENCY@@s, and pass the savings down to the consumers. This problem isn’t our fault: it’s yours.”
The Results: electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high.
Economy +4
Taxes +1
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#285: A Right Not to Work? [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]
The Issue
High ranking officials and devout followers of @@FAITH@@ have requested that the government close down retail stores during the Sabbath in accordance to their religious views.
The Debate
1. “It’s written in our sacred texts that our Creator took the seventh day for rest, and so should we!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a devout follower of @@FAITH@@. “To work on the Sabbath is an insult to our Creator, and I think the last thing @@NAME@@ needs is eternal damnation. Shut down all retail stores for the Sabbath! Besides, who wants to work then anyway?”
The Result: emergency room admissions for ‘stampede injuries’ have skyrocketed since the introduction of weekly Sabbath Eve sales.
2. “I’m afraid that’s not going far enough,” adds @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-ranking official in the Synod of Zealous Religious Fanatics. “This shouldn’t apply to just retail stores. Everything must be shut down! Hospitals, government agencies, police, and other emergency services. Sure, it’ll be dangerous and likely cause some death, but saving our souls from eternal damnation should be our priority. @@NAME@@ must do all it can to appease the almighty Creator.”
The Result: police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down.
Economy -8
Taxes -3
3. “You’re not really going to listen to what these nutjobs are proposing, are you?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your atheist economic adviser. “Think about the damage this would cause to the economy. Isn’t that more important than appeasing a few nuts? If anything, we should be requiring that all retail stores remain open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Just think of all that unlimited shopping time!”
The Result: retail stores offer sales every hour on the hour.
Economy -1
Industry: Retail +1
4. Slacker blogger @@RANDOMNAME@@, still in pajamas and eating a pizza slice on a ratty couch, sends you a video chat invitation. “Dude, why not just give everybody shorter work weeks? Make flex time, telecommuting, and 35-hour work weeks mandatory for all us working folk. Trust me, the people will love you for it man!”
The Result: midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population.
Economy -5
Taxes +1
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#290: Wheels of Misfortune [New Ziedrich; ed:Lenyo]
The Issue
In recent weeks, there has been growing concern over the quality of automobiles made in @@NAME@@. Representatives from all sides have gathered in your office and are asking you to make a decision.
The Debate
1. “This is ridiculous!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the Association of Scorned Shoppers, while frantically waving a stack of papers. “Some of these stories are just obscene! We’ve got water pumps ceasing at 12,000 kilometers, airbags not deploying in accidents, and this one guy’s gas tank just fell off! I can’t make this stuff up! Our auto industry has gotten lazy and corrupt and is in desperate need of stronger regulation!”
The Result: new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in NATION to be bombproof.
Civil Rights +10
Taxes +1
2. “I’ve never heard such nonsense!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, an executive representing @@NAME@@’s largest automaker. “Our cars are perfectly fine! These allegations are completely baseless. Thing is, these proposed regulations are going to make us uncompetitive. Is this what you want? Foreign cars clogging our streets while our factories close down? Get rid of some of the regulations we have now, so we can do our jobs! While you’re at it, a government subsidy would safeguard domestic auto manufacturing …”
The Result: NATION-made cars tend to catch fire in people’s driveways.
Economy +4
3. “What is this? Subsidies? Deregulation? Lies, all of it!” shouts prominent communist @@RANDOMNAME@@, sporting a practical yet stylish red beret. “These companies, they’re always willing to sell their ethics for a quick @@CURRENCY@@! They always cut corners for a little extra profit, and look where it’s gotten us! You want to make good cars, cars the people can be proud of? Have the people take control of the car companies! If we remove the profit motive, @@NAME@@ can finally produce quality vehicles, without wasteful bourgeois stuff like chrome wheels, air conditioning, and reclining seats!”
The Result: the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive.
Economy +3
Taxes +1
4. A wheelchair-bound man wearing a bicycle helmet on his head, plaster casts on his legs, and an irate expression on his face rolls himself into your office. “Hey, I got somethin’ to say,” he growls as he deliberately bumps into your desk. “You and your government have been playing nice with the car companies for far too long, and a lot of us cyclists are sick of it. I might have an axe to grind, but @@NAME@@ and our environment’ll be better off if you just banned cars entirely. Who cares if people complain? They’ll adjust.”
The Result: heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in.
Economy -15
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#291: A Question Of Sport [Dustistan; ed:Sanctaria]
The Issue
@@NAME@@’s football fans are outraged after the nation’s bid to host an important regional competition was rejected. The reason? @@NAME@@’s football fields are slightly shorter than the international standard.
The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the Football Association of @@NAME@@, announced in a press release, “Clearly we’re disappointed by this result. It’s yet more evidence of what we’ve been saying all along – sport in this country is severely underfunded. With more @@CURRENCY@@s from the government, we could start upgrading sporting venues across the country. This would definitely count in our favor when we submit our next bid.”
The Result: glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town.
Economy +8
Taxes +1
2. “You wanna spend my tax money on what?!?” wheezes couch potato @@RANDOMNAME@@ while flicking through sport channels. “If sporting associations need more money, why not ask for sponsorship from the private sector, like pizza chains and soda bottlers? Why should my money be used to help a bunch of good for nothing kids chase a bit of leather around?”
The Result: marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams.
3. “There’s nothing wrong with our stadiums!” shouts sports fan @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a crowd rattle and blowing a vuvuzela. “They’re just the right size for the sports I grew up playing! Why should we change the rules of our national sport just to please a bunch of foreigners? I say we support our team! And play by our own traditional rules! We should get rid of those silly foreign sports and their ‘rules’!”
The Result: tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport.
4. “They rejected us because of a few feet of grass? That’s crazy!” writes journalist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Sport isn’t about rules, it’s about having fun and getting fit! When we were kids, we could have a great time with just a stick and a couple of rocks – there were no rulebooks or standardized playing fields. We should encourage kids to get out there and have fun; who cares about a few silly rules?”
The Result: kids laugh off vandalism and arson as “just fun”.
Civil Rights +4
Taxes -1
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#293: Maestro, Please [Castle in the Sky; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
A delegation from the @@NAME@@ Philharmonia has shown up in your office, underlining their petition for the renovation of the nation’s concert halls with a serenade.
The Debate
1. “The once venerable concert halls of @@NAME@@ are in a sorry state,” laments trombonist @@RANDOMNAME@@, emptying the spit valve into your waste paper basket. “Some are dank, the stucco is crumbling in others, and it’s raining through the backstage roof of another! In the name of culture we must restore these halls to their former glory. It’s only a pittance to the national budget, but to our cultural reputation? Priceless.”
The Result: conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings.
Economy +6
Taxes +1 (if country is developed) Taxes 0 (if country is new or undeveloped)
Business Subsidization +2
Culture +2
Employment +4
Freedom From Taxation -1
Influence +1
Taxation +1
2. “These caterwauling miscreants don’t deserve concert halls,” insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, a tone-deaf curmudgeon. “If they can’t support their hobby, then why should we, the suffering taxpayers, prop them up? Concert halls are businesses, and businesses that can’t stay afloat on their own disappear. Such is life. I say leave the whole lot to their inevitable demise.”
The Result: concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule.
Economy -1
Taxes -1
Culture -2
Employment -1
Happiness -1
3. “Times are tight. I sympathize with you,” consoles @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Restorations R Us, handing you a decorative ‘Hang In There’ basket of goodies. “However, you need only ask, and – quick as a whip – my company will fund the construction of concert halls all across this fair country. All I ask is that we put up some advertisements in the lobbies and integrate a tasteful nod to sponsors into the programmes.”
The Result: commercial jingles have been ham-handedly forced into world renowned symphonies.
4. “The only reason to fund these musicians is if they are doing something worthwhile for their country,” says Brigadier General @@RANDOMNAME@@. “I’ve long said that @@NAME@@’s Armed Forces would benefit greatly from a spic-and-span band in uniform. They would represent the splendor that embodies @@NAME@@ and they’d do it with pride! Of course by extension, they would be a part of the active forces and required to serve in battle if necessary. Always good to up the recruitment numbers, right?”
The Result: terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums.
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#294: Ghost Riders on the Sly [Fmyeram; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
Following the passage of a well-supported bill that contained half a dozen riders, corruption watchdog groups are lobbying the government to take action against the use of these unrelated addenda in lawmaking.
The Debate
1. “This is unacceptable,” says legislative clerk @@RANDOMNAME@@, peeking out from behind a wall of 3-ring binders. “It paves the way for corporate corruption, eats up all our time and money, and, quite frankly, is exhausting! We must require each bill to have one – clearly defined – purpose and be able to state that purpose in a concise title. That way we won’t have any more defense spending bills with addenda about cheese processing regulations. The industry will hate it, but if I have to read through one more schizophrenic morass, I’ll quit!”
The Result: legislators work 24/7 due to an influx of single-issue bills.
Political Freedoms +5
Taxes +1
Authoritarianism +0.020
Averageness -30
Corruption -7
Eco-Friendliness +1
Environmental Beauty +2
Ideological Radicality -2
Law Enforcement +1
Pacifism -4
Safety +3
Social Conservatism +1
Welfare +1
2. ”Yes, these riders can be a threat to the democratic process,” begins Party Majority Leader @@RANDOMNAME@@, ”but to ban them outright is simply foolish. We need the ability to amend bills, and sometimes those attachments aren’t always clearly connected. Therefore, I propose we grant the legislature the ability to veto any rider by a simple majority vote. That way, necessary riders can still be attached and this other tom-foolery can be nipped in the bud.”
The Result: the minority inevitably have their addenda vetoed.
Political Freedoms -5
3. “Look, this is how things have always worked,” @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Cheesemongers Unlimited, Ltd. “Representatives’ time is both finite and valuable. Do you have any idea how many bills there’d be if each one could only have one aim? Legislation would come to a stand-still! Yes, it can be prone to corruption, but find me a government that’s corruption free and I’ll eat my shoe!”
The Result: laws are littered with references to cheese.
Economy +7
Political Freedoms +20
Taxes -1
4. “Can’t trust the government to do anything right,” scolds economic analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@, glancing up from a worn copy of The Fountainhead. ”We’ve given it a fair chance, it’s failed, and now the private sector will have to swoop in to fix it. If you privatize the legislature, I can assure you it’ll be humming efficiently and in the black by this time next year!”
The Result: the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills.
Economy +44
Political Freedoms +10
Taxes -4
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#297: Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field [Gior Altheriod; ed:Sanctaria]
The Issue
During the last @@NAME@@ Athletics Championship, a massive controversy arose following the revelation that double gold medalist Atlanta Johnson possesses both male and female sexual organs, despite being entirely female in external appearance.
The Debate
1. “How is this difficult to understand?” questions well-known sports commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. “There are sports and competitions just for men, and there are sports and competitions just for women; we don’t let men run in a women’s race, so what’s the difference here? And if it’s too difficult to decide whether the athlete is a man or woman, then we shouldn’t let them compete at all! Fair is fair is fair.”
The Results: muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions.
2. “I think I see a solution to all this,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister for Solutions, whilst solving the crossword in your morning newspaper. “We should overhaul the entire sport system in @@NAME@@ so that people compete against each other based on skill, not gender. Sure, it might be expensive but it’d be worth it if we want everyone to be happy.”
The Results: the ‘kind of scrawny’ 500 meter hurdle is a popular event.
Civil Rights +3
Taxes +1
3. “We can’t just stop there!” protests well-known LGBTQQIA activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We should completely overhaul @@NAME@@ itself to make it less hostile to those like Ms. Johnson! Schools, hospitals, workplaces – they’ll all need to be changed! There should be public toilets catered solely for the intersex too! You can’t put a price on equality!”
The Results: national parks have long lines of different gender-specific ‘Porta-Pottys’.
Civil Rights +2
Taxes +1
4. “You’re not actually going to listen to that parasite, I hope?” your bald, heavily tattooed cousin says with a raised eyebrow. “You want to actually give these monsters recognition? Not only are they going to make us the laughing stock of the international community, but they, and other freaks like them, are an insult to our race. What we must do is banish such scum from @@NAME@@; their lesser blood and DNA are only an impediment to the success and dominance of our race – a master race!”
The Results: hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight.
Civil Rights -4
Nationstates Issues 