#307: Derailing the Gravy Train [Burtina; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
A national newspaper has uncovered details of a number of politicians’ expenses documents, publishing claims from gold-plated toilet seats to elaborate steak dinners for dogs. Following the publication, the general public is clamoring at your door demanding answers.
The Debate
1. “This is the sort of disgraceful behavior we’ve come to expect from our politicians,” bemoans unemployed teacher, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Look around you! No one else is living so extravagantly. We need to lower all politicians’ salaries to the poverty line and put the kibosh on these claimed ‘business expenses’ too. Maybe then they’ll understand how real people actually live in @@NAME@@.”
The Result: politicians are to be found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income.
2. “This is quite absurd!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, taking a sip of Bollinger ’86. “We toil day in and day out keeping this country running, and this is the thanks we get? Newspapers snooping around our personal business, questioning what we need to do our jobs. We incur certain, necessary expenses that may look odd when taken out of context – and that’s just what the media is doing! They’re distorting the facts just to boost their ratings. Well, I say their prying eyes have gone too far. We need to outlaw this underhanded ‘reporting’ for the sake of the patriotic values that made this nation great!”
The Result: newspapers cannot report anything about politicians without their explicit consent.
—————————————————————————
#312: The Empire Strikes First? [Maleperduys; ed:Sedgistan]
The Issue
Reports indicate that several neighbouring nations are engaged in major weapons programs in contravention of international law and treaty, focusing public discourse on @@NAME@@’s foreign policy – specifically, its position on preemptive strikes.
The Debate
1. “We need to hit back hard at these terrorist scumbags!” roars General @@RANDOMNAME@@, his face turning purple. “I say that we treat any illegal weapons program by these nations as an act of war! Granted, a preemptive strike will likely cause a war, but if these foreigners won’t abide by international agreement, they have to be kept in line, for the good of our @@TYPE@@.”
The Result: NATION is increasingly belligerent on the international stage.
Taxes +1
2. Diplomatic bureaucrat @@RANDOMNAME@@ remarks calmly, “There’s no need to go off half-cocked. It would be much better if we used some international body – the World Assembly, say, or a @@REGION@@ tribunal – to investigate these rumours objectively for us. That way we have the international community on our side, and no one can accuse us of playing judge and jury. It will be well worth the extra diplomatic costs and bureaucratic red tape.”
The Result: the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism.
Political Freedoms +4
Taxes +1
3. “If these countries don’t respect international law, why would they respect international agencies?” wonders political analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Our neighbours are acquiring these weapons for a reason – because no one wants to pick a fight with a country that has weapons of mass destruction. The solution is simple – if we have WMDs of our own, they won’t dare to strike at us. It may seen mad, but in this crazy world, it’s the sanest thing we could do.”
The Result: the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security.
Taxes +1
4. Noted pacifist and tambourine artist @@RANDOMNAME@@ replies, “As usual our nation’s proud leaders can only see violent solutions to our problems abroad. Wouldn’t it be refreshing if they focused on achieving peace through communication and accommodation, rather than force of arms? You may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one – wait, sorry, I’ve heard that somewhere before.”
The Result: the government is giving peace a chance.
Taxes -1
—————————————————————————
#318: Death Penalty on Death Row? [Andacantra; ed:Sanctaria]
The Issue
After new DNA evidence has proven that recently executed inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ was actually innocent, human rights activists have been campaigning to ban the death penalty.
The Debate
1. “This is government sanctioned murder!” chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a human rights activist, from outside your office door. “It must end! Not only is it murder, but it amounts to hypocrisy of the highest nature. Yeah, keeping criminals locked up instead of mercilessly killing them might be costly, but maybe we can offset the cost by putting them to work making handcrafts in the prison store? Regardless, we have to abolish the death penalty – it’s the only right and moral thing to do!”
The Results: prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail.
Civil Rights +1
2. “What about other potential criminals out there?” whimpers @@NAME@@ Neighbourhood Watch spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has taken to hiding beneath your desk. “Did you know that since we introduced the death penalty the crime rate has decreased hugely? I say we introduce the death penalty for more crimes, like burglary and trespassing, and then no-one will ever dare to do anything wrong!”
The Results: the populace lives in fear of painful execution for minor offences.
Civil Rights -7
3. “There’s absolutely no proof that the crime rate has decreased”, states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your foreign affairs advisor, with a nod. “But I have an idea. If we’re going to be killing these people, we ensure it’s as non-violent and as respectful as possible; make our executions more humane and give these people some choice in how they die. The international community will love us for our civility and humaneness. We’ll be an international benchmark!”
The Results: criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear.
4. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Chief Deputy Assistant Police Commissioner states, swirling a pair of handcuffs on one finger. “We don’t go around executing innocent people for the fun of it; accidents happen! So those hippy people should quit their boo-hooin’. Look, if we give our boys in blue some more cash maybe there’ll be less room for mistakes. Everyone goes away happy.”
The Results: police officers have been re-kitted with designer uniforms and gold plated handcuffs.
5. “Hows abo’ bringin’ back dem-dere good ol’ fashioned lynchings? Bring justice back ter tha peoples!” shouts Jethro, a survivalist. “Who’d dare ta kill innocent peoples when tha punishmen’ is bein’ pelted ta death wit’ rocks?”
The Results: innocent people are routinely stoned to death by frenzied lynch mobs.
Taxes -2
—————————————————————————
#319: Sizing Up The Competition [Cosumar; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
After a recent conversion mistake cost a government research project millions in @@CURRENCY@@s, @@NAME@@’s scientists have come to you begging for the country to switch to the metric system.
The Debate
1. “Our measurement system is a complete disaster!” wails renowned chemist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as she storms into your office. “We’re stuck using primitive and illogical measurements like ‘fingers’ or ‘donkeypower’ or ‘MegaFonzie’. It’s too much! Nearly every other nation has converted to the metric system. Think of how much it would help our communication with other countries. It’ll cost a few @@CURRENCY@@s to convert, but it’ll be damn cheaper than the mistakes our system is causing!”
The Result: teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers.
Taxes +4
2. “Primitive? How dare that lab rat say such a thing!” spits infamous patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@. “They’re not just measurements; they’re part of our cultural heritage. Where would we be without our attoparsecs, hogsheads, or shakes of a @@ANIMAL@@’s tail? You want to throw that all away because some scientists are too lazy to do their jobs correctly. Give the taxpayers a break and ignore these eggheads.”
The Result: the populace harbors a fierce hatred of the metric system.
Taxes -1
3. “This. This is a crossroads.” states noted avant garde artist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “This idea that we can standardize how people look at the world with words, it’s a fool’s errand. Everything’s relative, man. We need to stop trying to control the world and just live. Imagine how happy our nation’d be with no measurements.” He pauses to puff on a pipe. “No time like the present, @@LEADER@@. No time.”
The Result: businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government’s mandate that ‘time and measurement no longer exist’.
Taxes -1
—————————————————————————
#320: Criminals to Vote? [Iglesian Archipelago; ed:Sanctaria]
The Issue
Following recent elections in @@NAME@@ where the Equality for Vilified Inmates League won a noticeable percentage of seats, the media have jumped on the issue of whether or not prisoners should be allowed to vote.
The Debate
1. “This is absurd!”, argues conservative politician, @@RANDOMNAME@@ “Why should criminals be allowed to participate in elections like normal people? Voting should be a privilege for the law-abiding members of this country. If someone breaks the law, they must lose the right to have a say in who governs them. At the very least it’ll be a good deterrent.”
The Result: citizens receive notices of disenfranchisement along with their parking tickets.
Political Freedoms -1
2. “You’re not going to listen to that clap-trap I hope”, says noted liberal commentator @RANDOMNAME@@. “Voting is a right that everyone should enjoy, regardless of whether or not they have committed a crime. We already punish those who break our law; restricting one’s ability to vote is a punishment totally disproportionate to any crime!”
The Result: prison visits increase substantially during election years.
Political Freedoms +2
—————————————————————————
#321: Cowboys and… Aliens? [Carlosianor; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
A gang of rough-riders has been policing towns along @@NAME@@’s border, rounding up illegal aliens and “escorting” them back home.
The Debate
1. “Who do these thugs think they are?” asks popular liberal blogger @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The police should be the only ones handling border control! If we leave it in the hands of wild frontiersmen, immigrants will be herded and probed like @@ANIMAL@@s! It’s despicable, it’s degrading, and it must be stopped!”
The Result: droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police.
Civil Rights +1
2. “Why, we just helpin’ our community, is all,” drawls the self-proclaimed sheriff of the cowboy gang, Harry Fjord, as he slides off his saddle to shake your hand. “Matta’fact, we’re helpin’ the gov’ment as well, enforcin’ border control and keepin’ yer towns safe from them damned illegals. I can handle m’boys, so don’t you worry ’bout a thing.”
The Result: immigrant herding has become a national pastime.
Taxes -1
—————————————————————————
#322: Empathy a Rare Commodity? [The Cookish States; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
Last week, a jaywalking man was hit by a truck in a busy intersection. He lay there for seventeen hours before a policeman tripped over him and brought him to jail for loitering.
The Debate
1.”This is despicable!” yelps one lone protester, desperately trying to get others involved. “How low have we sunk that we care so little for our fellow man? The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. You must create an Empathy Awareness Squad. They would train people on how to be kind to and empathize with one another. Sure, it’ll require some extra taxes, but can you really put a price on kindness? I mean, what if YOU get hit by a truck next time?”
The Results: citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy.
Civil Rights -1
2.”Good riddance!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, a sullen, disgruntled postal worker. “I think we should give the policeman who arrested that freeloader a medal! Mandatory empathy programs? Ha! No amount of touchy-feely ‘training’ is gonna make me empathize with these idiots. This is just nature’s way of weeding out the weak and infirm. In fact, we should cut what social spoon-feeding programs we’ve got left. Give your good and decent citizens a tax break.”
The Results: curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net.
Taxes -2
—————————————————————————–
#323: Get Teens out of MyFace? [Malsitar; ed:Lenyo]
The Issue
After the kidnapping, rape, and murder of a young blond girl made national headlines in @@NAME@@, the concerned parenting organization Mothers Against Youth Doing Stupid Stuff (MAYDSS) has raised concerns over the use of social networking sites by the nation’s teens.
The Debate
1.”Teens should not be allowed to use social networking!” cries the girl’s mother, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Some creep added my little darling as a ‘friend’ on that awful website, and he used it to get all of her personal information and track her down! Obviously, the only sane course of action is to ban all legal minors from using social networking sites! And don’t just stop at social networks: block everything else that MAYDSS doesn’t approve of!”
The Results: it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey.
Civil Rights -2
Authoritarianism +0.010
Ideological Radicality +1
Law Enforcement +1
Nudity -2
Safety +1
Social Conservatism +2
Weather -1
2.”Why that’s utterly preposterous!” shouts Luke Zuckermann, founder of MyFace, a popular social networking site. “You can’t restrict people like that! Oh, sure, today it’s keeping teens from lining my wa- I mean – accessing my website, but tomorrow it’s keeping everyone from anywhere the government doesn’t like! I say free up the web, and get rid of restrictions!”
The Results: the nation leads REGION in per capita stalking.
Civil Rights +4
Taxes -1
3.”You know, there’s always a compromise,” says local pervert @@RANDOMNAME@@ while watching you from a nearby tree. “As I see it, the best way to keep both sides of the argument happy is to remove all restrictions on what adults can view and increase restrictions on minors. But at the same time, lower the age of majority by a lot. What could possibly go wrong?”
The Results: the fastest growing demographic of porn viewership is twelve to seventeen.
Civil Rights +3
4.”What could possibly go wrong, you ask?” panics your paranoid cousin, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “On the internet, nobody knows your actual age. It’s a haven for malicious anonymity! Besides, children aren’t the only people at risk on the internet. It’s full of stalker-rapists and bomb-makers and viruses and sick, depraved porn. We’re better off without it.”
The Results: computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1
—————————————————————————
#324 “Tourism Tanking!” Trumpet Tabloids
The Issue
Following a public safety disaster of unimaginable magnitude – so extreme that members of your government only mention it in hushed voices, and only then in the vaguest of terms – NATION’s tourism industry has hit the rocks. Commentators from all walks of life have come to your office to offer their opinions.
The Debate
1. “The government has to step in and do something, for once!” demands tour operator Doris Usman, visibly pulling her hair out. “If we’d had proper railings on the marina, that shark would never have gotten into the oil refinery in the first place! The government has to put better regulations in place to make sure disasters of this kind never happen again. And if we want to coax back the tourists we’ve lost, we need a whole bunch of new state-subsidised hotels, parks and tourist attractions. Shark-proof ones. Our economy will never survive without it!”
The Results: a new generation of aquariumless hotels are being built under government supervision.
Economy +4
Taxes +1
2. “Why waste more money?” grumbles middle-aged industrialist Konrad Leach, chomping on a fat cigar, “Look. I’m as sorry as the next schmuck for those poor farmers’ ant epidemic. But we’ve got to realise that tourism is just not NATION’s strong suit; and that’s not going to change, no matter how much the state spends. Hell, if the government really wanted to do something to fix our economy, it’d be to give everyone a healthy tax-cut and get rid of some of that environmental legislation – set up for the benefit of a bunch of tree-hugging foreigners, I might add.”
The Results: visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories.
Economy +2
Taxes -2
3. “I think I’ve got another solution to this problem,” says your shadiest government advisor, waving a magazine spread of bathing beauties sunning themselves at the NATION City Grand Regent. “Now we’re not goin’ to be able to hide the fact that Capital City is now covered in pink frosting, but… what if the inspectors an’ tour guides an’ all those types of folks just didn’t notice all that mess? After all, we don’t have the money to clear it all up, but I think we do have just about enough to dangle a few CURRENCYs in front of anyone who wants to give our nation a good review. After all, a few firm golden handshakes never hurt no-one.”
The Results: online tourism reviews of NATION are suspiciously positive and amazingly similar.
Civil Rights -1
Economy +3
Taxes +1
Nationstates Issues 