Issues 301-350

#307: Derailing the Gravy Train [Burtina; ed:Luna Amore]

The Issue
A national newspaper has uncovered details of a number of politicians’ expenses documents, publishing claims from gold-plated toilet seats to elaborate steak dinners for dogs. Following the publication, the general public is clamoring at your door demanding answers.

The Debate
1. “This is the sort of disgraceful behavior we’ve come to expect from our politicians,” bemoans unemployed teacher, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Look around you! No one else is living so extravagantly. We need to lower all politicians’ salaries to the poverty line and put the kibosh on these claimed ‘business expenses’ too. Maybe then they’ll understand how real people actually live in @@NAME@@.”
The Result: politicians are to be found scavenging bins at night to supplement their income.

2. “This is quite absurd!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, taking a sip of Bollinger ’86. “We toil day in and day out keeping this country running, and this is the thanks we get? Newspapers snooping around our personal business, questioning what we need to do our jobs. We incur certain, necessary expenses that may look odd when taken out of context – and that’s just what the media is doing! They’re distorting the facts just to boost their ratings. Well, I say their prying eyes have gone too far. We need to outlaw this underhanded ‘reporting’ for the sake of the patriotic values that made this nation great!”
The Result: newspapers cannot report anything about politicians without their explicit consent.

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#312: The Empire Strikes First? [Maleperduys; ed:Sedgistan]

The Issue
Reports indicate that several neighbouring nations are engaged in major weapons programs in contravention of international law and treaty, focusing public discourse on @@NAME@@’s foreign policy – specifically, its position on preemptive strikes.

The Debate
1. “We need to hit back hard at these terrorist scumbags!” roars General @@RANDOMNAME@@, his face turning purple. “I say that we treat any illegal weapons program by these nations as an act of war! Granted, a preemptive strike will likely cause a war, but if these foreigners won’t abide by international agreement, they have to be kept in line, for the good of our @@TYPE@@.”
The Result: NATION is increasingly belligerent on the international stage.
Taxes +1

2. Diplomatic bureaucrat @@RANDOMNAME@@ remarks calmly, “There’s no need to go off half-cocked. It would be much better if we used some international body – the World Assembly, say, or a @@REGION@@ tribunal – to investigate these rumours objectively for us. That way we have the international community on our side, and no one can accuse us of playing judge and jury. It will be well worth the extra diplomatic costs and bureaucratic red tape.”
The Result: the government has declared its commitment to multilateralism.
Political Freedoms +4
Taxes +1

3. “If these countries don’t respect international law, why would they respect international agencies?” wonders political analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Our neighbours are acquiring these weapons for a reason – because no one wants to pick a fight with a country that has weapons of mass destruction. The solution is simple – if we have WMDs of our own, they won’t dare to strike at us. It may seen mad, but in this crazy world, it’s the sanest thing we could do.”
The Result: the nation is reliant on the principle of mutually assured destruction to maintain its security.
Taxes +1

4. Noted pacifist and tambourine artist @@RANDOMNAME@@ replies, “As usual our nation’s proud leaders can only see violent solutions to our problems abroad. Wouldn’t it be refreshing if they focused on achieving peace through communication and accommodation, rather than force of arms? You may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one – wait, sorry, I’ve heard that somewhere before.”
The Result: the government is giving peace a chance.
Taxes -1

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#318: Death Penalty on Death Row? [Andacantra; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
After new DNA evidence has proven that recently executed inmate @@RANDOMNAME@@ was actually innocent, human rights activists have been campaigning to ban the death penalty.

The Debate
1. “This is government sanctioned murder!” chants @@RANDOMNAME@@, a human rights activist, from outside your office door. “It must end! Not only is it murder, but it amounts to hypocrisy of the highest nature. Yeah, keeping criminals locked up instead of mercilessly killing them might be costly, but maybe we can offset the cost by putting them to work making handcrafts in the prison store? Regardless, we have to abolish the death penalty – it’s the only right and moral thing to do!”
The Results: prisoners work-share to cut down rising costs of keeping them in jail.
Civil Rights +1

2. “What about other potential criminals out there?” whimpers @@NAME@@ Neighbourhood Watch spokesperson @@RANDOMNAME@@, who has taken to hiding beneath your desk. “Did you know that since we introduced the death penalty the crime rate has decreased hugely? I say we introduce the death penalty for more crimes, like burglary and trespassing, and then no-one will ever dare to do anything wrong!”
The Results: the populace lives in fear of painful execution for minor offences.
Civil Rights -7

3. “There’s absolutely no proof that the crime rate has decreased”, states @@RANDOMNAME@@, your foreign affairs advisor, with a nod. “But I have an idea. If we’re going to be killing these people, we ensure it’s as non-violent and as respectful as possible; make our executions more humane and give these people some choice in how they die. The international community will love us for our civility and humaneness. We’ll be an international benchmark!”
The Results: criminals are put to death while cuddling their favourite teddy bear.

4. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Chief Deputy Assistant Police Commissioner states, swirling a pair of handcuffs on one finger. “We don’t go around executing innocent people for the fun of it; accidents happen! So those hippy people should quit their boo-hooin’. Look, if we give our boys in blue some more cash maybe there’ll be less room for mistakes. Everyone goes away happy.”
The Results: police officers have been re-kitted with designer uniforms and gold plated handcuffs.

5. “Hows abo’ bringin’ back dem-dere good ol’ fashioned lynchings? Bring justice back ter tha peoples!” shouts Jethro, a survivalist. “Who’d dare ta kill innocent peoples when tha punishmen’ is bein’ pelted ta death wit’ rocks?”
The Results: innocent people are routinely stoned to death by frenzied lynch mobs.
Taxes -2

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#319: Sizing Up The Competition [Cosumar; ed:Luna Amore]

The Issue
After a recent conversion mistake cost a government research project millions in @@CURRENCY@@s, @@NAME@@’s scientists have come to you begging for the country to switch to the metric system.

The Debate
1. “Our measurement system is a complete disaster!” wails renowned chemist @@RANDOMNAME@@ as she storms into your office. “We’re stuck using primitive and illogical measurements like ‘fingers’ or ‘donkeypower’ or ‘MegaFonzie’. It’s too much! Nearly every other nation has converted to the metric system. Think of how much it would help our communication with other countries. It’ll cost a few @@CURRENCY@@s to convert, but it’ll be damn cheaper than the mistakes our system is causing!”
The Result: teams of painters are converting road signs from horse lengths to kilometers.
Taxes +4

2. “Primitive? How dare that lab rat say such a thing!” spits infamous patriot @@RANDOMNAME@@. “They’re not just measurements; they’re part of our cultural heritage. Where would we be without our attoparsecs, hogsheads, or shakes of a @@ANIMAL@@’s tail? You want to throw that all away because some scientists are too lazy to do their jobs correctly. Give the taxpayers a break and ignore these eggheads.”
The Result: the populace harbors a fierce hatred of the metric system.
Taxes -1

3. “This. This is a crossroads.” states noted avant garde artist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “This idea that we can standardize how people look at the world with words, it’s a fool’s errand. Everything’s relative, man. We need to stop trying to control the world and just live. Imagine how happy our nation’d be with no measurements.” He pauses to puff on a pipe. “No time like the present, @@LEADER@@. No time.”
The Result: businesses are scrambling to adapt to the government’s mandate that ‘time and measurement no longer exist’.
Taxes -1

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#320: Criminals to Vote? [Iglesian Archipelago; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
Following recent elections in @@NAME@@ where the Equality for Vilified Inmates League won a noticeable percentage of seats, the media have jumped on the issue of whether or not prisoners should be allowed to vote.

The Debate
1. “This is absurd!”, argues conservative politician, @@RANDOMNAME@@ “Why should criminals be allowed to participate in elections like normal people? Voting should be a privilege for the law-abiding members of this country. If someone breaks the law, they must lose the right to have a say in who governs them. At the very least it’ll be a good deterrent.”
The Result: citizens receive notices of disenfranchisement along with their parking tickets.
Political Freedoms -1

2. “You’re not going to listen to that clap-trap I hope”, says noted liberal commentator @RANDOMNAME@@. “Voting is a right that everyone should enjoy, regardless of whether or not they have committed a crime. We already punish those who break our law; restricting one’s ability to vote is a punishment totally disproportionate to any crime!”
The Result: prison visits increase substantially during election years.
Political Freedoms +2

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#321: Cowboys and… Aliens? [Carlosianor; ed:Luna Amore]

The Issue
A gang of rough-riders has been policing towns along @@NAME@@’s border, rounding up illegal aliens and “escorting” them back home.

The Debate
1. “Who do these thugs think they are?” asks popular liberal blogger @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The police should be the only ones handling border control! If we leave it in the hands of wild frontiersmen, immigrants will be herded and probed like @@ANIMAL@@s! It’s despicable, it’s degrading, and it must be stopped!”
The Result: droves of former desperados are applying to join the border police.
Civil Rights +1

2. “Why, we just helpin’ our community, is all,” drawls the self-proclaimed sheriff of the cowboy gang, Harry Fjord, as he slides off his saddle to shake your hand. “Matta’fact, we’re helpin’ the gov’ment as well, enforcin’ border control and keepin’ yer towns safe from them damned illegals. I can handle m’boys, so don’t you worry ’bout a thing.”
The Result: immigrant herding has become a national pastime.
Taxes -1

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#322: Empathy a Rare Commodity? [The Cookish States; ed:Luna Amore]
The Issue
Last week, a jaywalking man was hit by a truck in a busy intersection. He lay there for seventeen hours before a policeman tripped over him and brought him to jail for loitering.

The Debate
1.”This is despicable!” yelps one lone protester, desperately trying to get others involved. “How low have we sunk that we care so little for our fellow man? The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. You must create an Empathy Awareness Squad. They would train people on how to be kind to and empathize with one another. Sure, it’ll require some extra taxes, but can you really put a price on kindness? I mean, what if YOU get hit by a truck next time?”
The Results: citizens are tied down and forced to watch educational videos on empathy.
Civil Rights -1

2.”Good riddance!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, a sullen, disgruntled postal worker. “I think we should give the policeman who arrested that freeloader a medal! Mandatory empathy programs? Ha! No amount of touchy-feely ‘training’ is gonna make me empathize with these idiots. This is just nature’s way of weeding out the weak and infirm. In fact, we should cut what social spoon-feeding programs we’ve got left. Give your good and decent citizens a tax break.”
The Results: curtailed social programs have left many citizens bereft of any safety net.
Taxes -2

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#323: Get Teens out of MyFace? [Malsitar; ed:Lenyo]

The Issue
After the kidnapping, rape, and murder of a young blond girl made national headlines in @@NAME@@, the concerned parenting organization Mothers Against Youth Doing Stupid Stuff (MAYDSS) has raised concerns over the use of social networking sites by the nation’s teens.

The Debate
1.”Teens should not be allowed to use social networking!” cries the girl’s mother, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Some creep added my little darling as a ‘friend’ on that awful website, and he used it to get all of her personal information and track her down! Obviously, the only sane course of action is to ban all legal minors from using social networking sites! And don’t just stop at social networks: block everything else that MAYDSS doesn’t approve of!”
The Results: it is now illegal for teens to view any sites except Club Kitten and My Little Donkey.
Civil Rights -2
Authoritarianism +0.010
Ideological Radicality +1
Law Enforcement +1
Nudity -2
Safety +1
Social Conservatism +2
Weather -1

2.”Why that’s utterly preposterous!” shouts Luke Zuckermann, founder of MyFace, a popular social networking site. “You can’t restrict people like that! Oh, sure, today it’s keeping teens from lining my wa- I mean – accessing my website, but tomorrow it’s keeping everyone from anywhere the government doesn’t like! I say free up the web, and get rid of restrictions!”
The Results: the nation leads REGION in per capita stalking.
Civil Rights +4
Taxes -1

3.”You know, there’s always a compromise,” says local pervert @@RANDOMNAME@@ while watching you from a nearby tree. “As I see it, the best way to keep both sides of the argument happy is to remove all restrictions on what adults can view and increase restrictions on minors. But at the same time, lower the age of majority by a lot. What could possibly go wrong?”
The Results: the fastest growing demographic of porn viewership is twelve to seventeen.
Civil Rights +3

4.”What could possibly go wrong, you ask?” panics your paranoid cousin, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “On the internet, nobody knows your actual age. It’s a haven for malicious anonymity! Besides, children aren’t the only people at risk on the internet. It’s full of stalker-rapists and bomb-makers and viruses and sick, depraved porn. We’re better off without it.”
The Results: computers are used primarily for word processing and solitaire.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1

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#324 “Tourism Tanking!” Trumpet Tabloids

The Issue
Following a public safety disaster of unimaginable magnitude – so extreme that members of your government only mention it in hushed voices, and only then in the vaguest of terms – NATION’s tourism industry has hit the rocks. Commentators from all walks of life have come to your office to offer their opinions.

The Debate
1. “The government has to step in and do something, for once!” demands tour operator Doris Usman, visibly pulling her hair out. “If we’d had proper railings on the marina, that shark would never have gotten into the oil refinery in the first place! The government has to put better regulations in place to make sure disasters of this kind never happen again. And if we want to coax back the tourists we’ve lost, we need a whole bunch of new state-subsidised hotels, parks and tourist attractions. Shark-proof ones. Our economy will never survive without it!”
The Results: a new generation of aquariumless hotels are being built under government supervision.
Economy +4
Taxes +1

2. “Why waste more money?” grumbles middle-aged industrialist Konrad Leach, chomping on a fat cigar, “Look. I’m as sorry as the next schmuck for those poor farmers’ ant epidemic. But we’ve got to realise that tourism is just not NATION’s strong suit; and that’s not going to change, no matter how much the state spends. Hell, if the government really wanted to do something to fix our economy, it’d be to give everyone a healthy tax-cut and get rid of some of that environmental legislation – set up for the benefit of a bunch of tree-hugging foreigners, I might add.”
The Results: visitors to the famed rainforests are instead taken to vast furniture factories.
Economy +2
Taxes -2

3. “I think I’ve got another solution to this problem,” says your shadiest government advisor, waving a magazine spread of bathing beauties sunning themselves at the NATION City Grand Regent. “Now we’re not goin’ to be able to hide the fact that Capital City is now covered in pink frosting, but… what if the inspectors an’ tour guides an’ all those types of folks just didn’t notice all that mess? After all, we don’t have the money to clear it all up, but I think we do have just about enough to dangle a few CURRENCYs in front of anyone who wants to give our nation a good review. After all, a few firm golden handshakes never hurt no-one.”
The Results: online tourism reviews of NATION are suspiciously positive and amazingly similar.
Civil Rights -1
Economy +3
Taxes +1

Issues 281-300

#281: Free Internet For @@NAME@@? [Solisbury; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After receiving four-digit internet bills, the people of @@NAME@@ are demanding that a free internet service be made available by the government.

The Debate
1. “The only way to ensure internet neutrality in @@NAME@@ is to place the internet under government control,” opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Telecommunications. “My ministry has been trying to reel in the unfair practices of these companies for ages, and now public sentiment is on our side. With an internet free of ‘premium access’ and content discrimination, @@NAME@@ will be the envy of @@REGION@@. Unfortunately, since providing free access would be enormously expensive, we’ll have to increase taxes slightly… but isn’t that a small price to pay?”
The Results: the internet has been placed under government control.
Economy +2
Taxes +4

2. High school principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, “The last time I checked, one of the purposes of the @@NAME@@ government was to provide a decent education for our children. More and more students are turning to online services as a way to accelerate their schooling. Online courses offer a wide range of education in academics and work-related skills. But not all my students have the internet, and there’s certainly no commercial incentive to lay down lines in farmland. The government needs to step in and provide a free internet for these students. Invest in our future!”
The Results: students abandon classrooms for online education.
Economy +1
Taxes +1

3. “Oh for the love of Violet!” bemoans conservative columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. ”The government has proven time and time again that it destroys everything it touches. Do you want your internet to be slow? Do you want to be taxed up the wazoo, thanks to government inefficiency? I sure don’t. Just let the market handle this for once. While you’re at it, take the money you would have used on this worthless endeavour and give your citizens a well-deserved tax refund instead.”
The Results: internet service is too costly for normal people to purchase.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes -4

4. “Considering the absurd regulations we have to put up with, it’s no wonder we have to charge so much for our internet service,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ Speedy Internet Co. “Safety guidelines, minimum access mandates. If the government would get rid of all these regulations, we could lay down lines for less @@CURRENCY@@s, and pass the savings down to the consumers. This problem isn’t our fault: it’s yours.”
The Results: electrocution deaths among computer technicians are at an all-time high.
Economy +4
Taxes +1

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#285: A Right Not to Work? [Nation of Quebec; ed:Lenyo]

The Issue
High ranking officials and devout followers of @@FAITH@@ have requested that the government close down retail stores during the Sabbath in accordance to their religious views.

The Debate
1. “It’s written in our sacred texts that our Creator took the seventh day for rest, and so should we!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a devout follower of @@FAITH@@. “To work on the Sabbath is an insult to our Creator, and I think the last thing @@NAME@@ needs is eternal damnation. Shut down all retail stores for the Sabbath! Besides, who wants to work then anyway?”
The Result: emergency room admissions for ‘stampede injuries’ have skyrocketed since the introduction of weekly Sabbath Eve sales.

2. “I’m afraid that’s not going far enough,” adds @@RANDOMNAME@@, a high-ranking official in the Synod of Zealous Religious Fanatics. “This shouldn’t apply to just retail stores. Everything must be shut down! Hospitals, government agencies, police, and other emergency services. Sure, it’ll be dangerous and likely cause some death, but saving our souls from eternal damnation should be our priority. @@NAME@@ must do all it can to appease the almighty Creator.”
The Result: police and sick people alike fear the Day of Rest as all institutions are forced to shut down.
Economy -8
Taxes -3

3. “You’re not really going to listen to what these nutjobs are proposing, are you?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, your atheist economic adviser. “Think about the damage this would cause to the economy. Isn’t that more important than appeasing a few nuts? If anything, we should be requiring that all retail stores remain open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Just think of all that unlimited shopping time!”
The Result: retail stores offer sales every hour on the hour.
Economy -1
Industry: Retail +1

4. Slacker blogger @@RANDOMNAME@@, still in pajamas and eating a pizza slice on a ratty couch, sends you a video chat invitation. “Dude, why not just give everybody shorter work weeks? Make flex time, telecommuting, and 35-hour work weeks mandatory for all us working folk. Trust me, the people will love you for it man!”
The Result: midnight pizza breaks are common among the work-from-home population.
Economy -5
Taxes +1

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#290: Wheels of Misfortune [New Ziedrich; ed:Lenyo]

The Issue
In recent weeks, there has been growing concern over the quality of automobiles made in @@NAME@@. Representatives from all sides have gathered in your office and are asking you to make a decision.

The Debate
1. “This is ridiculous!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairperson of the Association of Scorned Shoppers, while frantically waving a stack of papers. “Some of these stories are just obscene! We’ve got water pumps ceasing at 12,000 kilometers, airbags not deploying in accidents, and this one guy’s gas tank just fell off! I can’t make this stuff up! Our auto industry has gotten lazy and corrupt and is in desperate need of stronger regulation!”
The Result: new safety regulations require all cars manufactured in NATION to be bombproof.
Civil Rights +10
Taxes +1

2. “I’ve never heard such nonsense!” scoffs @@RANDOMNAME@@, an executive representing @@NAME@@’s largest automaker. “Our cars are perfectly fine! These allegations are completely baseless. Thing is, these proposed regulations are going to make us uncompetitive. Is this what you want? Foreign cars clogging our streets while our factories close down? Get rid of some of the regulations we have now, so we can do our jobs! While you’re at it, a government subsidy would safeguard domestic auto manufacturing …”
The Result: NATION-made cars tend to catch fire in people’s driveways.
Economy +4

3. “What is this? Subsidies? Deregulation? Lies, all of it!” shouts prominent communist @@RANDOMNAME@@, sporting a practical yet stylish red beret. “These companies, they’re always willing to sell their ethics for a quick @@CURRENCY@@! They always cut corners for a little extra profit, and look where it’s gotten us! You want to make good cars, cars the people can be proud of? Have the people take control of the car companies! If we remove the profit motive, @@NAME@@ can finally produce quality vehicles, without wasteful bourgeois stuff like chrome wheels, air conditioning, and reclining seats!”
The Result: the nationalized auto industry is adept at making durable little cars nobody wants to drive.
Economy +3
Taxes +1

4. A wheelchair-bound man wearing a bicycle helmet on his head, plaster casts on his legs, and an irate expression on his face rolls himself into your office. “Hey, I got somethin’ to say,” he growls as he deliberately bumps into your desk. “You and your government have been playing nice with the car companies for far too long, and a lot of us cyclists are sick of it. I might have an axe to grind, but @@NAME@@ and our environment’ll be better off if you just banned cars entirely. Who cares if people complain? They’ll adjust.”
The Result: heavy industry grinds to a halt as new equipment must be biked in.
Economy -15

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#291: A Question Of Sport [Dustistan; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
@@NAME@@’s football fans are outraged after the nation’s bid to host an important regional competition was rejected. The reason? @@NAME@@’s football fields are slightly shorter than the international standard.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the Football Association of @@NAME@@, announced in a press release, “Clearly we’re disappointed by this result. It’s yet more evidence of what we’ve been saying all along – sport in this country is severely underfunded. With more @@CURRENCY@@s from the government, we could start upgrading sporting venues across the country. This would definitely count in our favor when we submit our next bid.”
The Result: glittering new sports stadiums adorn every city and town.
Economy +8
Taxes +1

2. “You wanna spend my tax money on what?!?” wheezes couch potato @@RANDOMNAME@@ while flicking through sport channels. “If sporting associations need more money, why not ask for sponsorship from the private sector, like pizza chains and soda bottlers? Why should my money be used to help a bunch of good for nothing kids chase a bit of leather around?”
The Result: marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams.

3. “There’s nothing wrong with our stadiums!” shouts sports fan @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a crowd rattle and blowing a vuvuzela. “They’re just the right size for the sports I grew up playing! Why should we change the rules of our national sport just to please a bunch of foreigners? I say we support our team! And play by our own traditional rules! We should get rid of those silly foreign sports and their ‘rules’!”
The Result: tourists are kicked out if they express interest in their national sport.

4. “They rejected us because of a few feet of grass? That’s crazy!” writes journalist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Sport isn’t about rules, it’s about having fun and getting fit! When we were kids, we could have a great time with just a stick and a couple of rocks – there were no rulebooks or standardized playing fields. We should encourage kids to get out there and have fun; who cares about a few silly rules?”
The Result: kids laugh off vandalism and arson as “just fun”.
Civil Rights +4
Taxes -1

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#293: Maestro, Please [Castle in the Sky; ed:Luna Amore]

The Issue
A delegation from the @@NAME@@ Philharmonia has shown up in your office, underlining their petition for the renovation of the nation’s concert halls with a serenade.

The Debate
1. “The once venerable concert halls of @@NAME@@ are in a sorry state,” laments trombonist @@RANDOMNAME@@, emptying the spit valve into your waste paper basket. “Some are dank, the stucco is crumbling in others, and it’s raining through the backstage roof of another! In the name of culture we must restore these halls to their former glory. It’s only a pittance to the national budget, but to our cultural reputation? Priceless.”
The Result: conductors wield diamond-encrusted batons to fit in with their freshly gilded surroundings.
Economy +6
Taxes +1 (if country is developed) Taxes 0 (if country is new or undeveloped)
Business Subsidization +2
Culture +2
Employment +4
Freedom From Taxation -1
Influence +1
Taxation +1

2. “These caterwauling miscreants don’t deserve concert halls,” insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, a tone-deaf curmudgeon. “If they can’t support their hobby, then why should we, the suffering taxpayers, prop them up? Concert halls are businesses, and businesses that can’t stay afloat on their own disappear. Such is life. I say leave the whole lot to their inevitable demise.”
The Result: concert pianists lie about their occupation to avoid ridicule.
Economy -1
Taxes -1
Culture -2
Employment -1
Happiness -1

3. “Times are tight. I sympathize with you,” consoles @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Restorations R Us, handing you a decorative ‘Hang In There’ basket of goodies. “However, you need only ask, and – quick as a whip – my company will fund the construction of concert halls all across this fair country. All I ask is that we put up some advertisements in the lobbies and integrate a tasteful nod to sponsors into the programmes.”
The Result: commercial jingles have been ham-handedly forced into world renowned symphonies.

4. “The only reason to fund these musicians is if they are doing something worthwhile for their country,” says Brigadier General @@RANDOMNAME@@. “I’ve long said that @@NAME@@’s Armed Forces would benefit greatly from a spic-and-span band in uniform. They would represent the splendor that embodies @@NAME@@ and they’d do it with pride! Of course by extension, they would be a part of the active forces and required to serve in battle if necessary. Always good to up the recruitment numbers, right?”
The Result: terrified tympanists are finding themselves on the front lines armed only with kettledrums.

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#294: Ghost Riders on the Sly [Fmyeram; ed:Luna Amore]

The Issue
Following the passage of a well-supported bill that contained half a dozen riders, corruption watchdog groups are lobbying the government to take action against the use of these unrelated addenda in lawmaking.

The Debate
1. “This is unacceptable,” says legislative clerk @@RANDOMNAME@@, peeking out from behind a wall of 3-ring binders. “It paves the way for corporate corruption, eats up all our time and money, and, quite frankly, is exhausting! We must require each bill to have one – clearly defined – purpose and be able to state that purpose in a concise title. That way we won’t have any more defense spending bills with addenda about cheese processing regulations. The industry will hate it, but if I have to read through one more schizophrenic morass, I’ll quit!”
The Result: legislators work 24/7 due to an influx of single-issue bills.
Political Freedoms +5
Taxes +1
Authoritarianism +0.020
Averageness -30
Corruption -7
Eco-Friendliness +1
Environmental Beauty +2
Ideological Radicality -2
Law Enforcement +1
Pacifism -4
Safety +3
Social Conservatism +1
Welfare +1

2. ”Yes, these riders can be a threat to the democratic process,” begins Party Majority Leader @@RANDOMNAME@@, ”but to ban them outright is simply foolish. We need the ability to amend bills, and sometimes those attachments aren’t always clearly connected. Therefore, I propose we grant the legislature the ability to veto any rider by a simple majority vote. That way, necessary riders can still be attached and this other tom-foolery can be nipped in the bud.”
The Result: the minority inevitably have their addenda vetoed.
Political Freedoms -5

3. “Look, this is how things have always worked,” @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of Cheesemongers Unlimited, Ltd. “Representatives’ time is both finite and valuable. Do you have any idea how many bills there’d be if each one could only have one aim? Legislation would come to a stand-still! Yes, it can be prone to corruption, but find me a government that’s corruption free and I’ll eat my shoe!”
The Result: laws are littered with references to cheese.
Economy +7
Political Freedoms +20
Taxes -1

4. “Can’t trust the government to do anything right,” scolds economic analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@, glancing up from a worn copy of The Fountainhead. ”We’ve given it a fair chance, it’s failed, and now the private sector will have to swoop in to fix it. If you privatize the legislature, I can assure you it’ll be humming efficiently and in the black by this time next year!”
The Result: the CEO of Laws Incorporated must sign off on all new bills.
Economy +44
Political Freedoms +10
Taxes -4

—————————————————————————–

#297: Intersex Athletes Demand Level Playing Field [Gior Altheriod; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
During the last @@NAME@@ Athletics Championship, a massive controversy arose following the revelation that double gold medalist Atlanta Johnson possesses both male and female sexual organs, despite being entirely female in external appearance.

The Debate
1. “How is this difficult to understand?” questions well-known sports commentator @@RANDOMNAME@@. “There are sports and competitions just for men, and there are sports and competitions just for women; we don’t let men run in a women’s race, so what’s the difference here? And if it’s too difficult to decide whether the athlete is a man or woman, then we shouldn’t let them compete at all! Fair is fair is fair.”
The Results: muscular women are banned from competing in sporting competitions.

2. “I think I see a solution to all this,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister for Solutions, whilst solving the crossword in your morning newspaper. “We should overhaul the entire sport system in @@NAME@@ so that people compete against each other based on skill, not gender. Sure, it might be expensive but it’d be worth it if we want everyone to be happy.”
The Results: the ‘kind of scrawny’ 500 meter hurdle is a popular event.
Civil Rights +3
Taxes +1

3. “We can’t just stop there!” protests well-known LGBTQQIA activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We should completely overhaul @@NAME@@ itself to make it less hostile to those like Ms. Johnson! Schools, hospitals, workplaces – they’ll all need to be changed! There should be public toilets catered solely for the intersex too! You can’t put a price on equality!”
The Results: national parks have long lines of different gender-specific ‘Porta-Pottys’.
Civil Rights +2
Taxes +1

4. “You’re not actually going to listen to that parasite, I hope?” your bald, heavily tattooed cousin says with a raised eyebrow. “You want to actually give these monsters recognition? Not only are they going to make us the laughing stock of the international community, but they, and other freaks like them, are an insult to our race. What we must do is banish such scum from @@NAME@@; their lesser blood and DNA are only an impediment to the success and dominance of our race – a master race!”
The Results: hairdressers are among those who have disappeared overnight.
Civil Rights -4

Issues 261-280

#262: Sticks And Stones [Zwangzug; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Nicholas Condor, a prominent Bigtopian activist and soapbox orator, caused quite a stir last week when he publicly called for the complete extermination of the people of @@NAME@@, accusing fellow citizens of being ‘sub-human’, ‘immoral’, and ‘really ugly too’. Citizens Against Intolerance, a pressure group aiming to reduce social inequality, has demanded that the government put more resources into combating hate speech. Coincidentally, another society, also called Citizens Against Intolerance, has stood up for Mr Condor, claiming that inhibiting his speeches would be a violation of his right to free speech.

The Debate
1. “I can’t believe we’re even debating this,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who was present at the infamous speech. “Doesn’t it worry you that a man, who would obviously be happier if we all died horrible, painful deaths, is allowed to walk around in public? Let him continue and he’ll cause a riot! Free speech is supposed to protect people! But talking about genocide and killing, well… that doesn’t help anyone. It breaks society. It drives us apart. Hate speech is a very serious crime, @@LEADER@@. You can’t just ignore it.”
The Result: a fashion designer has been arrested for inciting hatred after claiming redheads couldn’t pull off vermillion.
Civil Rights -2
Political Freedoms -2

2. “Words by themselves can’t hurt anyone,” counters @@RANDOMNAME@@, a free speech advocate. “We don’t need to be ‘protected’ from hearing different opinions for goodness’ sake! Oh, what a boring place the world would be if we all had the same thoughts! You can’t punish people for disagreeing with you! That’s crazy! I hate my mother-in-law, but if I told her so and she then tried to stab me with a kitchen knife then the problem is obviously hers – not mine.”
The Result: violently opinionated speakers can be heard preaching their hateful views on every street corner.
Civil Rights +2
Political Freedoms +7

3. “I agree to an extent,” ventures @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Domestic Security. “But insulting one person is not the same as insulting an entire social grouping. The wrong word in the wrong place and you WILL have violence on the streets: that’s the reality we live in, whether you like it or not. If we want to make any real difference then we need to nudge cultural values in the right direction with government awareness programmes and the like. Educate the masses! Laying down a reactionary law will just fuel resentment in the long run.”
The Result: the government is promoting multicultural values with the new ‘Just Be Nice, OK?’ initiative.
Civil Rights +2
Political Freedoms +10
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#264: Not A Drop To Drink [Vincon; ed:Kandarin]

The Issue
@@NAME@@ has been hit with the worst drought in a hundred years; as a result thirsty citizens and a growing number of brown lawns are pleading for a government response.

The Debate
1. “We have no choice but to ration water,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, Chief of the @@CAPITAL@@ Department of Public Works. “We can’t afford to let what little water we have slip through our fingers. We must clamp down on how much water each person is allowed to use. If our more wasteful citizens complain because they’ll have to actually think about how much water they pour down the drain, all the better for the rest of us.”
The Result: fewer people are bathing as citizens must show ration stamps before they can turn on their faucets.
Civil Rights -4

2. “You think too small,” sighs Foreign Secretary @@RANDOMNAME@@, between sips from a sparkling bottle of gourmet dihydrogen monoxide. “@@NAME@@ may be short on water, but the rest of @@REGION@@ has water to spare! Why not just import the water from abroad? Sure, it’ll cost money, but what’s worth more to the people of @@NAME@@, a little tax money or their most basic physical needs? Our neighbors wouldn’t dream of cutting off the water, right?”
The Result: almost all of NATION’s water is piped into the country from abroad for exorbitant prices.
Economy +2
Taxes +1 (or 0 in smaller nations)

3. “This drought is a warning sign sent by our Creator!” shouts a strangely familiar-looking man who has just walked in from the desert clad in camel hair and sandals. “If this nation will only turn from its wicked ways and hearken unto our God, surely He shall grace us with water once more!”
The Result: NATION’s newly-famous raindances to summon storms instead attract tourists from all over the REGION.

—————————————————————————–

#267: Controversial Coup Causes Commotion [Sedgistan; ed:Sedgistan]

The Issue
A coup in a neighbouring country has seen a mercenary force led by retired @@NAME@@ian general @@RANDOMNAME@@ take charge of the peaceful backwater, purging the opposition, and suppressing freedoms. Despite the new leader making a dubious promise to hold elections, the government in exile is demanding that @@NAME@@ takes action.

The Debate
1. “THIS IS A DISGRACE”, bellows Brigadier General @@RANDOMNAME@@, scattering plastic soldiers over the floor. “This traitor must be overthrown! Gather together our forces and sweep the tyrant from power. While we’re at it, @@NAME@@ could do with some more tanks – you never know when the next coup might be.”
The Results: the government is pouring money into ‘Operation Enduring Democracy’.
Taxes +2

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a junior official, puts down “Diplomacy for Dummies” and pipes up. “The best method of solving problems is talking. Send the new regime a strongly worded letter of protest and encourage them to negotiate. On a similar note, perhaps you could take your spouse out for a meal tonight. You’ve been spending far too much time sorting out this nation’s issues lately.”
The Results: the art of conversation has been rediscovered.
Taxes -1

3. Noted realist and tabloid columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@ disagrees. “We should give this new regime a chance. After all, they now control a sizeable economy, and they need weapons – we could offer to recognise the new government if they agreed to buy arms from us. Also, I couldn’t help but notice some protesters outside your office. We wouldn’t want a coup happening here – everyone would feel safer if they were moved on.”
The Results: the government encourages conflict abroad to increase arms sales.
Economy +1
Political Freedoms -11
Taxes -6

4. “I don’t see what the problem is”, a voice strangely like your own whispers in your ear. Your twin, standing far too close for comfort, continues, “this has given me a great idea – why not just declare yourself supreme leader of @@NAME@@? After all, the people do love you so very much.”
The Results: pollsters are out of a job as elections have been cancelled.
Political Freedoms -21

————————————————————————
#269: Stop The Presses! [Lenyo; ed:Sanctaria]

The Issue
It has been revealed that many of @@NAME@@’s newspapers are deep in red ink. Opinions are divided on whether or not the government should intervene.

The Debate
1. “There is no real problem here,” says noted economist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If newspapers are no longer selling, they shouldn’t exist in a free market economy; let capitalism take its course. Who cares if a few newspapers go under? Besides, it’s probably good for the digital industry, right?”
The Results: morning coffees are no longer the same since the disappearance of newspapers.
Economy -3
Taxes -1

2. “You can’t just allow the newspaper industry to die!” panics newspaper editor @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We are the core of our nation’s news media! Where will the talk shows, internet news sites, and other media outlets get their stories from? We’re their sources after all! @@NAME@@ needs newspapers to inform the populace! Just allow us to be exempt from taxation and I’m sure we will recover. After all, quality news is worth the price!”
The Results: the newspaper industry is subsidised by the government in order to keep it afloat.
Economy +6
Taxes +2

3. “Why bother subsidising when we can go all out and take back control of the media!” muses one of your innumerable advisors. “Newspapers are full of sensationalised, makey-uppy events designed to sell more papers and they ignore what really matters – like what we the Government are doing for the people! As a bonus, there’d be no need for newspapers and stations to compete with each other, and job losses would be at a minimum, so everyone’ll be happy.”
The Results: daily newspapers are permitted to run only pro-government stories.
Political Freedoms -9
Taxes +2

4. “Yu’r not attacking the problem,” states elderly gentleman Woody Cane. “Newspapers will never be able t’ compete with them internets. All you’ve got t’do is shut them newfangled things down. Problem solved!”
The Results: abacus sales outpace those of the personal computer following the closure of the Internet.

—————————————————————————–
#273: Is our children learning? [Panageadom; ed:Lenyo]

The Issue
When a relatively minor official in your government vowed to increase the standard of education in @@NAME@@, the press came knocking on your door to ask how this might actually be done.

The Debate
1. “It’s all a question of money,” says veteran teacher @@RANDOMNAME@@, “If we really care about education, we’ll make it our number one priority. Double the education budget, halve the teacher-student ratio, and make sure every teacher has a master’s degree in education. After all, the children are our future.”
The Result: students cut up leftover CURRENCYs during Arts and Crafts.
Economy -2

2. “As much as I’d like to have more money, it’s really a question of most of the faculty belonging to one of the most powerful unions in the whole of @@NAME@@ that stops this school from being great,” says Headmaster @@RANDOMNAME@@, “I can’t discover which teachers are good and reward them for their excellent work, nor fire the useless ones. Destroying teachers’ unions is perhaps the most important thing we could do. ”
The Result: rag-wearing teachers are often mistaken for homeless people.
Economy +8
Taxes -2

3. “I think specialization is the way to go,” says your defense minister, standing arm in arm with a bishop of @@FAITH@@ and @@NAME@@’s top CEO, “Specialization lets each focus on what they’re truly good at, and I’m sure that religious institutions, the military, and private companies would fork out a bit to train up the next generation, so we could save on taxes too.”
The Result: NATION’s schoolchildren are manufactured into a segregated bunch of soldiers, religious zealots, and computer technicians.
Civil Rights -2
Economy +5
Taxes -1

4. “As we’ve proven in the past, the free market can manage this far better than the public sector,” says market-analyst @@RANDOMNAME@@, “Now, I’m not saying that the state shouldn’t help people go to school – far from it. Still, schools need greater freedom to maximize learnedness: to set their own tuition, salaries, curricula, etc. Give private schools a small government subsidy, and let the free market take its course. So what if a few poor kids drop out earlier? You can’t make omelets without breaking a few eggs.”
The Result: wealthy students ride to school past mendicant dropouts.
Economy +23
Taxes -3

—————————————————————————–
#275: Wiki Worries [Maurepas; ed:Lenyo]

The Issue
State department officials are in an uproar over the leaking of key government cables by the website WikiSpills. The site’s owner, under the nom de plume “El Denunciante,” is operating from an anonymous location in neighboring Bigtopia, where the government can’t reach him. @@NAME@@’s leaders are sharply divided on how to respond.

The Debate
1. “This man has done no wrong!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who also happens to be the head writer of The @@CAPITAL@@ Times Magazine. “The people have a right to transparency of government. El Denunciante is a hero who has revolutionized my magazine sale-er-Freedom of Speech for this country. No state action must be committed that would infringe upon our right to disclose government information, regardless of the effects on diplomatic relations. Besides, it isn’t as though you’ve got anything to hide…do you?”
The Result: the “Underwear of Women in Power” issue of THE NATIONAL NEWSPAPER is sold out
Civil rights +1
Political freedoms +6
Authoritarianism -0.020
Averageness -90
Corruption +6
Happiness +1
Ideological Radicality +13
Pacifism +5
Political Apathy -5
Safety +4.5
Rudeness -0.8
Social Conservatism -1
Toxicity +3
Youth Rebelliousness -1

2. “El Denunciante is a terrorist and has committed treason,” argues reactionary talk radio host @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The fact is, he has consistently presented an anti-@@NAME@@ agenda, and people like him need to be stopped from propagandizing their filth. What we need is to block this website and any others which threaten the security of this great nation. Like those opposition party blogs that keep popping up! I mean, what use is personal freedom if you don’t have security and peace of mind?”
The Result: popular websites like NationStates are blocked for “national security”
Economy +1
Political Freedoms -12

3. “This seems like a lot of needless work, if you ask me,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your brother-in-law, while enjoying a foul-smelling beverage in your office. “Why should the people get to discuss you and your government anyway? Seems to me things would be much easier if you just told them what their opinion was and blocked out all others. After all, who knows what’s best for them better than you, am I right? Cheers!”
The Result: the Ministry of Truthiness now manages the entire media industry.
Civil Rights -1
Economy -2
Political Freedoms -16
Taxes +2

—————————————————————————–
#276: Circus Clowns Cause Chaos! [Sanctaria; ed:Maurepas]

The Issue
Rather than finding them funny, a recent survey shows that most children are actually afraid of clowns. The public is demanding that you do something to stop these terrifying menaces.

The Debate
1. “Kill them! Kill them all! Or… you know, just ban them”, opines noted sociologist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Better yet, why not ban all circuses from @@NAME@@! Think about it, they’re distracting children from what’s important in life; namely, doing well in school, getting a job and contributing to the economy. That’s what’s important here!”
The Result: strange looking men with big red noses are found hiding behind bushes and inside dustbins.
Civil Rights -3

2. “Banning clowns is a little extreme, if you ask me”, inputs your Minister for Culture, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “I think what we need to do is educate children about what clowns actually do. Tell them they aren’t scary and that what they do is actually beneficial! After all, happy kids are less likely to go down the path of crime, which means less spending goes to the police and more funds can be diverted to somewhere important – like my Department!”
The Result: students are wary of colorfully decorated new teachers with names like Professor Pipsqueak.

3. “It’s not always about the kids”, mumbles a red-nosed man in the corner. “Think of us clowns! We have to put up with the kids screaming, and shouting and hurling things at us. How would you feel if you were dressed up like a fool and paraded in front of 8 year olds! The Government needs to create a program to treat us clowns for depression – you don’t know what it’s like, man. You weren’t there!”
The Result: clowns are being rounded up and admitted to mental institutions.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#280: Oh the Humanity! [Prevania; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
During a recent severe storm, the airship @@NAMEINITIALS@@AS-Hiddenburg caught fire and ended up making a crash landing in @@CAPITAL@@. Everyone on board as well as several hundred people on the ground were killed in the resulting inferno. Reporter Herb Morris’ incredible live coverage of the disaster and the media circus surrounding the safety of such vessels has people looking to the government for solutions.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, apparent spokesperson for the families of the victims gasps out between sobs, “The only reason this happened is the government has turned a blind eye to the dangers of these vehicles! The solution is obvious, pass and rigidly enforce safety regulations on dangerous industries! Oh, and make the owners of these companies financially liable to the families. I mean, I lost my dad after all, I deserve a little bit of compensation.”
The Result: the airship business has been driven out of the country by strict regulations and high fines.
Economy -5
Taxes -1

2. “Really now, airships safely make these trips on a routine basis! These people are looking at a tiny mishap and not the bigger picture!” claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of Airship Enterprises, the company that operates airships like the crashed @@NAMEINITIALS@@AS-Hiddenburg. “If anything, the government should be supporting the industry through this tragedy! You know, ‘encouraging’ people to use airships so that they learn just how safe they really are!”
The Result: airship use has soared while property values beneath their routes have plummeted.
Economy +6

3. “Tiny mishap? TINY MISHAP?” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, author of the controversial bestseller ‘Corporations Are Bad, Really Really Bad.’ “Hundreds of people dead, millions if not billions of @@CURRENCY@@s in damage to buildings downtown, and these industry goons are trying to just shrug and tell the rest of us ‘Oopsie,’ and buy their way out of trouble?! They have a huge debt to the society they’ve harmed, make them work in the trauma centers and see first-hand what they’ve done!”
The Result: the new hit series “NATION’s Got Trauma” has corporate executives fleeing the country.
Economy -4
Taxes -1

Issues 241-260

#245: Clash Of Cultures [Drunk Cowboy Junkies; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Conservative commentators have remarked that many foreign immigrants in @@NAME@@ are failing to take part in, or even acknowledge, the country’s rich and varied culture, traditions, and social mores. This has caused some interethnic strife, and reports of violence in minority-dominated neighbourhoods have been increasing every day.

The Debate
1. “It’s disrespectful,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, serving traditional @@ANIMAL@@-shaped cookies on a tray. “These people talk funny, dress funny, pray to bizarre gods, and cook their smelly food. Food I’ve never seen on any LOCAL menu. Some of them don’t even speak our language very well! If at all! If immigrants want the privilege of living in this country then they should be made to adopt our own traditions! Otherwise our culture will slowly but surely disappear! If they refuse… well, then they can go back to their own country since they love it so much.”
The Results: immigrants are required to salute the flag five times a day.

2. “I have a right to lead my life the way I want,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an immigrant, with the help of a translator. “I will not forsake my heritage for your people and I will not dirty my tongue with your heathen language. And if you have a problem with that then tell me this: what have I done wrong? I pay my taxes, I break no laws- and yet you think I should change? Those who don’t wish to ‘integrate’ shouldn’t have to.”
The Results: racial and religious segregation has become rife as the various groups are loath to mingle.
Civil Rights +5

3. “Oh, there’s no need to be like that!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the Multiculturalism Society in a cheery tone. “@@NAME@@ should be a more accepting country, open to new experiences! Embrace difference, people, don’t reject it! These folk aren’t hurting us or our traditions, they are showing us different ways of life and making us wiser and richer beings in the process! It’s our responsibility to take the first step towards reparations and remove any ethnic bias from the names of our public holidays – how does Winter Day sound to you? I like it.”
The Results: religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural.
Civil Rights -1

4. “We need to stop thinking of ‘them’ as a problem that needs to be fixed,” insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, an undergraduate in anthropology. “Integration in society is a two-way street, @@LEADER@@. We can’t shun people for not following @@FAITH@@ or drinking their tea with the wrong hand. That’s just silly! No, if we want immigrants to pick up our ways then we should be more willing to learn about theirs! Mandatory education courses should encourage citizens to learn more about other cultures in @@NAME@@.”
The Results: all citizens must pass a ‘multicultural sensitivity test’ to be deemed fit for society
Civil Rights +4

5. “That’s stupid,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, flatly. “I’m not going to ‘bond’ with immigrants by learning about their beliefs! For multiculturalism to actually function, everyone needs to actually meet these people and deal with them on a day-to-day basis. Then maybe they’ll realise that yeah, they’re people too. The only way to do this is to put an end to segregated neighbourhoods – even if it means forcing families to move elsewhere.”
The Results: property values in suburbs have nosedived after the middle class were forced to live next door to ethnic minorities.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes +1

6. “Everyone shut up, I have the perfect solution,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, shouting into a megaphone. “How about we kick these ungrateful foreigners out of the nation and never let them come back?! We’ve all heard what those ethnics are like, I wouldn’t be surprised if they ate their own young! Immigration shouldn’t be allowed! I won’t abide it!”
The Results: the word ‘foreigner’ is considered a highly vulgar expletive.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–

#246: @@NAME@@ To Hold The Olympic Torch? [Yenen; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Enthusiastic sports fans have been petitioning the government all week to apply for the much-coveted honour of hosting the next Regional Olympics. While most citizens are excited at the prospect of a @@REGION@@-wide competition in their own country, some have expressed reservations about the enormous expense hosting would incur.

The Debate
1. “WAHAAAAY!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, captain of @@CAPITAL@@’s premier division ballroom dancing team. “Finally, a chance to show the world exactly how great I am! Everybody’s always complaining that @@NAME@@ never does well in sports and you know why? It’s because we’re never in front of the home crowd, that’s why! We’re going to need a great big stadium! No! TWO stadiums! WHOOP! OL-YM-PICS! OL-YM-PICS!”
The Result: NATION successfully hosted the the Pacific Olympics.
Economy +11
Taxes +2
Obesity -6
Tourism +12
Youth Rebelliousness -2

2. “Oh great,” mutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Angry Taxpayer Society. “That’s all we need, more things to pour money into for no obvious reason. Surely it would be easier to just let another country host the Olympics and keep the cash? Then maybe it could go to something useful, like, I don’t know… my wallet?”
The Result: organised sports are frowned upon as frivolous
taxes -1
averageness -5
business subsidization -1
employment -2
influence +1
obesity +8
tourism -2
youth rebelliousness +1

3. “We’d be missing an amazing opportunity if we pass this up,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Sports. “But we’ve got to be in it to win! Simply building new stadia won’t be enough, we need to be funding new sports centres and hiring the best coaches for our entrants! You could put more money into public facilities too, like gyms or something. Then no one can accuse you of wasting everyone’s tax @@CURRENCY@@s, ha ha. Ha.”
The Result: the importance of winning Olympic gold medals is indoctrinated from an early age.
Economy +8
Taxes +2

4. “There’s nothing like a feat of strength to please the dull-witted masses, is there?” sighs @@RANDOMNAME@@, flipping through ‘One Hundred Gambits for Advanced Go Players’. “It’s so boring. Why can’t more intellectual pursuits be given the spotlight, like chess or debating matches? Ban organised sports and make our dreams come true! I think you’ll find it comes at a far lower price than the populist Olympics ever will.”
The Result: chess hooliganism is on the rise after the banning of organised sports.
Economy -5
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#247: Where There’s Smoke [Avartinate; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
@@NAME@@’s fire protection department has long been criticised for being slow, inefficient, and underfunded. A number of ideas have been proposed on how to deal with the problem.

The Debate
1. “See here, buddy,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, putting a friendly arm around your shoulder. “Your country needs fire protection, but you don’t want to pay for it yourself. What do you say me and some of the boys here open up a few fire stations of our own and let the custome- citizens pay US instead of YOU paying THEM. It’s not like we won’t put out the fires if they don’t have anything on them, we’ll just bill them and their children and their children’s children until we get all our money.”
The Results: reports of arson have doubled since the introduction of a privatised fire protection service.
Economy +7
Taxes -1

2. “Woah, woah, woah!” Says liberal activist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “I don’t want my rescuers to be putting less effort into their jobs because I don’t have a credit card or live in a slum. Do you know when you’re at your worst, financially? WHEN YOUR HOUSE JUST BURNT DOWN. This is a victimisation of the poor! The government should be in charge of the emergency services and they should treat everyone equally. It’s only fair.”
The Results: the fire protection service is wholly government-funded.
Taxes +1

3. “Not only that, but we need to prevent fires from happening in the first place,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Safety, carefully turning off the wall sockets in your office. “And if that means sending free smoke alarms, fire extinguishers, and informative pamphlets to every household in @@NAME@@ so be it! Damn the expenses, @@LEADER@@, lives are at stake!”
The Results: most citizens in NATION are abject pyrophobes after extremely graphic pamphlets were mailed nationwide by the government.
Taxes +1

4. “I think that sounds kinda… socialist,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ with a disgusted grimace. “The government should keep out of this if you ask me. The only reason fires happen is because people are stupid and they know a fire engine will come racing down the street to save them. Take away that safety blanket and I think you’ll find they wise up quite quickly! We don’t need any tax-consuming fire service! If idiots and their families go up in flames they’ll have no one to blame but themselves.”
The Results: the government’s only official statement on the burning down of Capital City was that ‘they shouldn’t have been so careless’.
Economy +2

—————————————————————————–

#248: The Sky Is Falling [Freedomstaki; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A particularly bad spate of bombings, hijackings and snake attacks aboard airline flights has crippled the air travel industry in @@NAME@@. The government has convened to discuss possible ways of improving airport security.

The Debate
1. “It’s a no-brainer,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, frisking you as you enter the meeting. “Put police officers on every flight, armed and ready to deal with those blasted sky pirates! It’s deterrence and protection wrapped up in one. If anyone so much as says the word ‘bomb’ they’d better watch out!”
The Result: frequent fliers are obliged to submit to invasive security procedures by government security.
Taxes +1
Law Enforcement +2
Safety +5.5
Safety From Crime +1
Toxicity -2
Weaponization -1

2. “You want to put people with GUNS on aeroplanes?!” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a security guard at @@RANDOMNAME@@ International Airport. “And at the taxpayers’ expense to boot? For the love of Violet, keep the police out of this! Airport security should remain in private hands! Think realistically for a moment: government priorities change all the time but companies are in it for profit. Bombings are BAD for business! We don’t LET them happen! So just… butt out will you? I’m not losing my job to a flatfoot!”
The Result: airport security is provided by private companies.

3. “We don’t need no copper protectin’ us! We can look after our own hides!” laughs @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the @@CAPITAL@@ Rifle and Revolver Association. “Air flight passengers should be allowed to carry concealed weapons. If one of them terrorists thinks he’s gonna walk all over @@NAME@@ like he owns the place then he’s got another thing coming, ha!”
The Result: bombs are permitted on planes for the ‘security of the passengers’.

4. “I only wanted to tour @@REGION@@ for a few w-weeks,” wails @@RANDOMNAME@@, recovering from a particularly vigorous strip search. “I have a right not to be probed and prodded at the whim of some wand-waving monkey with a high school education! For a whole HOUR I might add! They treat us like cattle! In the name of DECENCY, I request, nay DEMAND an end to the disgrace that is airport security! I mean, really, it’s like they don’t trust me or something!”
The Result: the wreckages of bombed planes that litter NATION are highly popular tourist destinations.
Civil Rights +5

5. “Let’s just ban all planes!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, prodding you angrily in the chest. “Bombings and terrorist attacks aren’t the only problems these things cause! The aeroplane is one of the worst pollutants mankind has ever created! They’re loud, they’re ugly, and they burn fuel like there’s no tomorrow! There are more environment-friendly ways to travel than by plane even if they are slower! Much slower. But cleaner!”
The Result: aeroplanes have been converted into housing units after all air travel was outlawed.
Economy -4

————————————————————————
#251: The Trouble With Hobos [Responsible; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After several complaints of the tripping hazards presented by sleeping bags on the doorsteps of public buildings, the citizens of @@NAME@@ have brought the problem of homelessness to your attention.

The Debate
1. “To be honest, I’d just like a place to stay,” says a scruffy man who’s been living under your desk. “Somewhere I don’t have some landlord breathing down my neck all the time. If the government could see fit to build some kind of free hostel where people could go if they’ve fallen on hard times, well, that’d be just great.”
The Results: the recently unemployed can often be seen at the local homeless shelter.

2. “You can’t possibly think that’s a good permanent solution!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, co-ordinator of the local soup kitchen. “What these people need is help to get their lives back on track. Yes, they have the right to a place to live, but they also need an honest job to pay for it. They need to be encouraged to work to become integrated into society again! Force our major businesses to create some basic jobs for these poor souls, and soon they will become pillars of the community!”
The Results: citizens applying for their first jobs face fierce competition from the homeless.
Economy -9
Taxes +2

3. “And who do you suppose pays for all this?” snaps @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your advisors. “Your loyal taxpayers, that’s who! People who actually work for the things they have! And let’s face it: these vagrants bring it on themselves – frittering their money away on rubbish and rollicking in unemployment while the rest of the world slaves away to make ends meet. They’re worthless scum and they gave up their ‘rights’ a long time ago. I say we leave them to their misery until they become a nuisance, then have them dealt with like any other criminal.”
The Results: homeless people are frequently charged with trespassing on public property.

4. “As far as I can see, homeless people are already a nuisance,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a proud citizen. “They’re mostly thieves and drug addicts, they make the streets a dangerous place for our children, they make honest people feel guilty for turfing them off their doorsteps and, frankly, they smell bad. They’re vermin, plain and simple, and as such I suggest they be destroyed before the infestation gets even more out of hand.”
The Results: citizens who become homeless are immediately executed.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes -1

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#255: Welfare Programs Not Faring Well [Glen-Rhodes; ed:Glen-Rhodes]

The Issue
A recent lull in legislation has sparked the fires of some bored politicians. After reviewing the back-log of constituent complaints, they’ve come to your desk demanding welfare reform.

The Debate
1. “The process ought to be made easier,” says Inga Matthews, picking the grime out of her dirty fingernails. “It’s so difficult convincing welfare administrators that I am actually a poor, helpless vagrant on the brink of homelessness! When you finally do, you get tangled up in all the red tape, and you’re lucky to see a dime. The government should just trust my word and fork over the @@CURRENCY@@s I need to survive.”
The Result: suit-clad businessmen have been taking advantage of the relaxed welfare qualifications by shopping with food stamps.

2. “The current system is not very efficient, I’ll admit,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a local welfare administrator and esteemed bureaucrat. “But we can’t trust these bums to manage their welfare aid. How are we supposed to help them help themselves if they waste their benefits on things like trashy clothes and cheap alcohol? We need more authority over how the aid is spent, it’s the only way we can be assured that it is used responsibly.”
The Result: the welfare administration’s new sweeping authority has forced the poor and needy to shop from pre-approved grocery lists.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes +1

3. “Get the free-loaders off the government teat!” shouts conservative activist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The free-market system says that those who work hard will succeed. If these so-called ‘needy people’ would roll their sleeves up, lift a finger, and earn an honest living, we wouldn’t be bankrupting our country helping them! The only sensible solution is to abolish all welfare programs, and let the natural, capitalist process take place.”
The Result: penurious citizens die from easily remedied ailments because they aren’t ‘taking enough initiative’.
Welfare -2
Wealth Gaps +17

4. “He has a point,” says popular political pundit @@RANDOMNAME@@. “There are a lot of people in the system, and some of them don’t really need to be there. The government should be finding these people jobs, so that our welfare system can survive and meet the needs of the truly impoverished. Of course, we’re going to have to spend a few @@CURRENCY@@s to achieve this goal. But, what’s a little tax hike if it means saving our dying welfare programs and the people who depend on them?”
The Result: the government is using tax revenues to provide jobs for the poor.
Economy -5
Taxes -3

5. “Capitalism is the very reason why we need welfare in the first place. Laissez-faire policies would only make the problem worse,” argues political activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If the government would ensure that all employers pay their employees the amount they need to live – no more, no less – then the problem of providing for the poor would disappear.”
The Result: the government enforces a policy of ‘from each according to their ability, to each according to the available budget’.
Economy -14 (about -5 in better developed nations)
Taxes +4

—————————————————————————–
#258: What’s In A Name? [Zombitosis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A man by the name of &%*\@# Smith hit the headlines yesterday when he had his first name legally changed to ‘John’, citing the ridicule and stress he suffered because of his given name. Mr Smith publicly commented afterwards that there should be more restrictions on what parents can name their children.

The Debate
1. “People do so love to be different,” says Insert Name Here, with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know what my folks were thinking when they named me. Probably about how ‘novel’ and ‘with it’ they were being, but I didn’t get a say in it did I? Growing up in my neighbourhood with the first name ‘Insert’ wasn’t fun at all I can tell you! The government should set up a registry of recognised names that are clean, sensible, and non-teasable. Kids deserve better.”
The Result: parents must choose their children’s names from a government-mandated master list.
Civil Rights -1
Rudeness +1
Ideological Radicality +2

2. “It’s none of the government’s business what I name my daughter,” says Follicle Rainbow Gooseknob, cradling [expletive deleted] in her arms. “Are you going to tell us what to think next? Where to go? Who to love? I don’t want some grey-faced bureaucrat deciding what name is appropriate for my child! What kind of country hates personal freedom so much you can’t even choose your own name?”
The Result: ANIMAL is one of the most popular forenames in NATION.

3. “Names? Names are so inefficient!” Says Five-Oh-Three McGoohan, counting beads. “Who can honestly tell one @@RANDOMNAME@@ from another? That name’s so popular now, I met three people at the mall with it just last week! Face it! Names are old-hat! Everyone ought to go by a government-allocated ID number instead, much more practical. Who could make fun of a child named Six-Eight-Four?”
The Result: all citizens are solely referenced by their allocated identity number.
Civil Rights -1 (or 0 in some nations)

—————————————————————————–
#259: A Taste Of Revenge [South Von; ed:Kandarin]

The Issue
A spectacular but failed attempt on your life made national news today. Interrogation of captured suspects has pinned the blame on agents of the nation of Blackacre, with which @@NAME@@ has notoriously chilly relations. Your cabinet is divided as to how to respond.

The Debate
1. “Assassins, huh? Well, two can play at that game!” says Warren McCue, your chief military adviser. “An eye for an eye! A tooth for a tooth! An assassination for a… missed shot, I suppose. Never mind that, think of the possibilities! Not only can we strike back at the scumbags who sent this assassin after you, we can turn our attention to… ‘manipulating’ the positions of foreign leaders and political rivals that stand in the way of @@NAME@@’s glory.” He then points two fingers at the wall and mouths ‘bang bang’ noises.
The Results: the nation’s diplomatic missives are now delivered via sniper rifle.
Political Freedoms -5

2. “Sending assassins to avenge you isn’t enough!” argues hawkish talk-show host, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The fact that Blackacre is this bold means we haven’t made them fear us yet – and a nation that isn’t feared isn’t respected. We need to do the only thing we CAN do: bomb their cities! Raise a revolution! Salt their fields! It may cost money, but our nation’s honor is priceless.”
The Results: the nation’s new foreign policy of ‘very disproportionate retribution’ has its neighbors on edge.
Taxes +1

3. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing!” says the muffled voice of @@RANDOMNAME@@, an anti-violence protestor who was, until now, hiding in your air vents. “By building up our military-industrial complex, WE have become the aggressor. WE are giving nations like Blackacre good reasons to hate us! No wonder they tried to kill you – we aren’t giving them enough breathing room. If we cut back our military a bit and sent them a fruit basket now and then these problems would never happen.”
The Results: the government tries to improve relations with hostile countries by sending gift baskets.

—————————————————————————–
#260: Taxpayers On Strike! [Makinsanity; ed:Kandarin]

The Issue
The latest budget reports have marked a steady decline in @@NAME@@’s monthly income. A study initiated by your treasurers has revealed that many of your nation’s citizens are not paying their taxes.

The Debate
1. “Damn right we’re not!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of many citizens protesting in front of your office. “Your oppressively high taxes are picking our pockets and robbing us of our livelihood. No more, we say! The government may call us tax cheats, but that’s just because it’s afraid to call us the PATRIOTS that we are! Cut the tax rate, and we’ll think about paying again.”
The Result: the government has cut taxes in the face of widespread tax evasion.
Taxes -9

2. “@@NAME@@ can’t survive when people don’t pay their taxes!” retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@NAME@@’s Revenue Bureau. “Citizens may feel that they need to keep all of their @@CURRENCY@@s, but the government needs it too! Without taxation, how can we build roads, schools and hospitals? How can we protect the people from themselves? We need to give the police broad powers to lay down the law on these tax-evading scum until they pay up.”
The Result: the police crack down on tax evaders without mercy.
Law Enforcement +1

3. “Scum is such a harsh word. Everyone has something worthwhile to contribute, as my mother always said.” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, controversial social theorist and fountain of homespun folk wisdom. “Even if they won’t pay their taxes, folks ought to have other ways to pay back into society. They could spend some time with the civil service or military reserve, for example. And goodness knows, blood and organ donation rates aren’t as high as they could be. A pint of blood or a good kidney ought to pay a tax bill right proper.”
The Result: tax evaders are regularly visited by agents of the NATION Blood Tithe.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes -3

Issues 221-240

#226: Expats Plea For Help In War-Torn Country [The Mones Islands; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Thousands of migrant citizens and expatriated citizens of @@NAME@@ have asked the government to take them home from Marche Noir, a faraway country on the brink of a terrible and violent civil war.

The Debate
1. “We must co-ordinate with the government of Marche Noir in order to secure our absentee voters- ahem- citizens who are in their country,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Foreign Affairs. “We must also create an emergency fund to assist our expats and help bring them back to @@NAME@@. No matter where any of our people are, they’re still ours and our responsibility.”
The Results: the nation has welcomed its expats back with open arms.

2. “That’s rubbish,” objects @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Finance. “Why waste hundreds of thousands of @@CURRENCY@@s in bringing those expatriated citizens back to @@NAME@@? They chose to leave our great country; they are no longer our concern! They could have stayed here and been an asset to our workforce! Helped us grow strong! No, they’ve had their chance. You reap what you sow. We should cut any financial assistance we give to those traitors.”
The Results: citizens who leave the country are officially classed as traitors.
Taxes -1

3. “That’s a good point,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Civics. “Our people are the generators of the economy. The expats should be allowed to come back, but only if they stay. If we keep letting our citizens emigrate, then we’re losing our doctors, our teachers, our skilled and unskilled workforce to damn foreigners! Close the borders to those wanting to leave our nation. If they can’t see how wonderful @@NAME@@ is then we’ll make them!”
The Results: the world outside is only known of in folklore.
Civil Rights -1

————————————————————————

#237: Tourists On Death Row [The New Inquisitors; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group of holidaymakers from @@NAME@@ have been arrested while visiting the scenic, yet corrupt and totalitarian, nation of Maxtopia on charges of drug trafficking – an offence which carries the maximum sentence of the death penalty. The story has provoked outrage from citizens, many believing the government should intervene to bring the tourists back home.

The Debate
1. “Everyone knows what barbarians those Maxtopians are!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, parent to one of the arrestees. “They’ve not even allowed my son and his friends access to lawyers! That government is as corrupt as they are cruel, my boy would never have anything to do with drugs! You need to do something to save them, I’m begging you! I’m sure the Maxtopian officials will back down if you threaten trade sanctions or something. Right?”
The Result: international tensions are high as NATION threatens any government with the audacity to arrest its citizens.

2. “You’ve got to see it from the other side,” argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a customs official. “While it’s unfortunate that the sentence is so stiff, they really shouldn’t have been smuggling drugs. I’m sure we wouldn’t be happy if Maxtopians came over here with banned goods. I just can’t sympathise: they were greedy, they broke the law, they got caught. What makes them so special that they should be bailed out? At the taxpayers’ expense I might add. Let them be – it’ll show we respect the judicial rights of other countries.”
The Result: the people are furious with the government for allowing citizens to be executed for petty crimes in foreign countries.
Law Enforcement +2
Pacifism +1
Averageness +0.025

3. “I agree,” chimes in @@RANDOMNAME@@, an anti-drug campaigner, waving a banner which reads ‘Don’t Be a Fool, Drugs Aren’t Cool’. “Did you ever stop to think that our foreign neighbours might have the right idea? A zero-tolerance attitude to the drugs issue is what this country needs! Death to the dealers!”
The Result: drug-related crimes carry the death penalty.
Civil Rights -3

4. “You people are so quick to lay the finger of blame,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ambassador at @@NAME@@’s embassy in Maxtopia. “My motto has always been ‘If you want something, give something away’. It is the government’s duty to protect its citizens from harm! We don’t want to cause too much international friction by making a mockery of their laws so we’ve got to settle things more diplomatically: they scratch our backs now and we’ll scratch theirs later.”
The Result: NATION’s soft-touch approach to diplomacy has made it known as the ‘push-over’ of the region.

5. “That’s what they want! Leverage!” hollers @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Defence, storming into your office. “Advances in our markets, political favours – they’ll do anything to undermine us! They’ve always hated us, those rats! If you ask me, this brouhaha isn’t about drugs – it’s a spit in our eye, that’s what it is! What kind of people execute kids for having a few ounces on them? We ought to give them a good bombing, then they’ll know how a proper country behaves!”
The Result: the government is well known for declaring war on other countries for suspected slights.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————
#239: We Who Are About To Die Would Rather Go Home [The Lost Romans; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
An old supporter of yours has recently passed on, leaving a quite sizeable plot of land to you in his will – but only under a rather unusual condition: that the site be developed into a colosseum for hosting gladiatorial fights and other bloody spectacles.

The Debate
1. “Yes, yes!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a wooden sword enthusiastically. “You’ve gotta do this, man! Gladiator fights are like the ultimate in spectator sports! And it doesn’t just have to be people! We could pit man against @@ANIMAL@@! Blade against claw! Nothing to their names but their wits and their stamina! You’d have to pay people a lot to risk their lives doing this but I bet you’d earn a whole lot more from merchandise and wagers and stuff!”
The Result: it is a common belief that a sport isn’t sport if there are no decapitations.
Economy +3

2. “That’s just sick,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the Kill Violence Now Association. “I don’t believe you’d find anyone willing to watch actual people tearing each other apart. It’s savage and horrible! It’s even worse than boxing! Violent sports should be outlawed for the sake of this country’s moral integrity. I’m sorry, I’ve got to go – I’m ashamed you’re even considering this.”
The Result: badminton was recently banned due to ‘unacceptable violence’ inherent to the game.
Economy -2

3. “Actually, we could use this to our advantage,” whispers Chief of Police, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Why not just force convicted criminals to fight for the amusement of the public? They’ll be paying for their crimes, contributing to society, and totally freeing us of having to build jails to throw their useless hides in!”
The Result: criminals are thrown to the ANIMALs to repay their debt to society.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes -3

Issues 201-220

#201: Jolly Roger Sighted Off The Port Bow! [I V Stalin; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
@@NAME@@’s merchant navy has seen increasing attacks from swashbuckling pirates in recent months, devastating @@NAME@@’s foreign trade.

The Debate
1. “We should blow them out of the water!” says First Lord Admiral @@RANDOMNAME@@. “These waterlogged vagabonds have been plundering our ships for far too long! All our exports from the @@MAJORINDUSTRY@@ industry are going straight into their hands! It’s downright dangerous for us to let this continue! All we require is some funding for coastal patrol boats, fleet carriers, and nuclear submarines and a free hand to show these freebooters what’s what.”
The Results: NATION’s navy has been named the scourge of the seven thousand seas.
Taxes +1

2. “Hello,” says a grog-swilling, peg-legged scurvy dog entering your office. “I’m @@RANDOMNAME@@, a mighty pirate. I’d like to suggest that instead of wasting all that money on attacking pirates you simply buy them off with barrels of bullion, jewels and Maxtopian gold! There’ll still be pirates around, sure, but as long as everyone’s paid off, they won’t hinder your trade. Not much anyway.”
The Results: the government is frequently held to ransom by the increasing demands of bloodthirsty pirates.
Economy +3
Taxes +1

3. “That’s the second biggest load of bilge I’ve ever seen!” says Captain Grapnel, CFO of Hispaniola Shipping Insurance, LLC. “Shiver me timbers, if these scurvy dogs don’t be cutting into me profit margin! Me comprehensive coverage has to pay out for victims o’ illegality, and of course theft be illegal in this country, bu’ that be giving me an idea – what if we were to have privateers? That is to say, if ye were to make piracy legal but with a quotar o’ sorts, like huntin’? That way me and mine can stay in business and ye can get a fine cut o’ th’ booty from licence fees! Savvy?”
The Results: the nation has become a pariah for giving pirates letters of marque.
Taxes -1

4. “Come now, that’s hardly fair,” argues ‘gentleman pirate’ Taupebeard de Gauche with a bow and flourish. “There is an ancient tradition of actively redistributing wealth on the high seas, and we active redistributors serve an important role in the global economy. You would not keep a family-run bookstore from handing down its business from generation to generation, would you? We simply ask, nay, demand the same right! And get rid of the word ‘pirate’. It’s a slur. We are corsairs – not common sea-faring thugs.”
The Results: piracy is the nation’s most popular pastime.
Civil Rights +2

————————————————————————

#204: Lack Of Doctors Needs Cure [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A newspaper article revealed that patients are waiting months for the most urgent operations. Hospitals have blamed it on a lack of qualified doctors and nurses.

The Debate
1. “The problem is that there just aren’t enough incentives to enter the medical profession,” says Doctor @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We need to advertise government grants for medical students, give more funding to educational centres of medicine. If you don’t act quickly then @@NAME@@ will have a full-blown healthcare crisis!”
The Result: more and more students are taking up a career in medicine.
taxes +1
Averageness +2
Employment +2
Government size +1
Influence +1
Public Healthcare +4
Safety +3
Safety from Crime +1
Toxicity -2

2. “Nah, it’s just that we don’t have the numbers of graduates or young doctors needed to fill the gap before we have a ‘crisis’,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leafing through pages of statistics. “The best solution is to recruit doctors from abroad. If we snag ’em from the poorer countries then we won’t have to spend half as much as grants would cost us.”
The Result: half of NATION’s doctors can’t speak the language.
Employment +1
Ideological Radicality +1
Public Healthcare +1

3. “Or we could NOT waste money on bringing foreigners into the country,” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@, a wealthy businessman. “And giving money to the students? How many of them do you think will stay the whole course, hmm? How many @@CURRENCY@@s are we going to burn on this? Our healthcare system is great, there are thousands upon thousands of nations that would give their right province for what we have. I think we can afford to let go of some of that funding and give the good people of @@NAME@@ a tax break, don’t you?”
The Result: healthcare funding has been cut.
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#207: Secret Police In @@NAME@@? [GX-Land; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Anarchists have been covertly putting up anti-government posters all over @@NAME@@. Some of your closest advisors have suggested the implementation of a secret police force to deal with the more… difficult members of society.

The Debate
1. “Sometimes a government has got to deal with something without having to go through the ‘proper channels’,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, who does not exist within any of @@NAME@@’s records. “It happens sometimes and we have to deal with it. It’s not just anarchists either – it’s the terrorists, the criminals, the traitors, and the goddamn hippies. With a secret police we can arrest the troublemakers and torture them to find other dissenters without having to worry about fiddly matters like human rights.”
The Results: rumours have it that a secret police is responsible for the recent spate of missing persons.
Civil Rights -2
Political Freedoms -36
Taxes +2
Ideological Radicality +5

2. “Don’t listen to that idiot!” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of your more guilt-ridden henchpersons. “I don’t know how you feel about this but I think this would be a bad path for our government to go down. @@NAME@@ shouldn’t resort to deceit and off-the-record brutality to put away people. A secret police force would ruin our fine nation. It’s time our government was candid with its people and let them say what they want!”
The Results: anti-government political posters adorn every building like wallpaper.
Civil Rights +8
Political Freedoms +36
Taxes -3

3. “Or how about we be candid AND have a secret police force,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ your head spy from behind a newspaper with eyeholes cut out. “We could just reassign all the normal police into secret police. The beauty of it is that we won’t have to bother solving crimes if it doesn’t benefit the government! It’s what we’ve always wanted! Not what the people want of course, but if they complain we can just make them… disappear.”
The Results: the police force is rumoured to be made up of evil shadows with no souls.
Civil Rights -4
Political Freedoms -19

—————————————————————————–
#208: Mine Collapse Rocks @@NAME@@ [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A mine has collapsed in @@NAME@@ burying hundreds of workers. Calls have been made by the families to tighten up mining safety laws.

The Debate
1. “We need tighter laws to protect vulnerable miners!” moans @@RANDOMNAME@@, a family member of one of the victims. “The mines are being propped up by twigs, the hard hats might as well be made of polystyrene, and the inspectors are all bribed! New laws must be made and the people responsible for allowing this to happen brought to justice.”
The Result: mining safety laws are often more expensive than what’s being mined.
Civil Rights +3

2. “These allegations are ludicrous and unfounded,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, CEO of the South @@NAME@@ Mining Company. “We use the finest twigs to build our mines and the last thing we need is the government tying us down with yet more rules. More safety laws means more expense means less profit and less profit means companies will look elsewhere to get their goods. You should leave us alone before you destroy thousands of jobs – do you really want that on your conscience?”
The Result: mining is the nation’s most dangerous occupation.
Economy +4
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#210: Going Postal [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
It has come to your attention that there is some serious debate over whether @@NAME@@’s postal service should be either privatised or nationalised.

The Debate
1. “The postal system ought to be privatised,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, Director of PostHaste, a small package delivery company. “All the government is doing is putting the tax @@CURRENCY@@s of hard-working citizens into an outmoded and wasteful system. Private businesses can offer a much more efficient system with less junk mail. A little more expense on stamps is worth that right?”
The Result: urban high-volume mailers now receive their mail via chauffeur-driven limousines.
Economy +8
Taxes -2

2. “Uh huh? And what about those in rural or remote areas?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, the CEO of @@NAME@@ Mail, the government-owned postal service. “If you privatise this business then they’ll get marginalised and ignored. With a nationalised service everyone can use the system and cheaply too. We provide a good service for our customers and have been doing so for a very long time! The postal service should be nationalised and all competition banned!”
The Result: postmen have been arrested in job lots for selling junk mail as home insulation.
Economy +7
Taxes +2

3. “There’s plenty of room for compromise,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a stamp collector. “How about we just privatise the mail system and allow other competitors to move in but continue with government funding to @@NAME@@ Mail? That way everyone can get their post and the companies can have their own slice of the pie. It’ll require an increase in tax to cope with losses to competition but not too much. I think. To be frank, I just want more stamps.”
The Result: the government recently relinquished its monopoly on the mail service.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#212: Police Wanting Help With Their Inquiries [Prasland; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After delayed DNA evidence put a notorious rapist behind bars the police have demanded that it be mandatory for those accused of a crime to surrender blood and tissue samples to aid the elimination process.

The Debate
1. “I’m surprised this hasn’t been brought up sooner,” says Chief Constable @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If we have DNA samples of all the accused it will make solving crimes like rape and murder that much faster! Sure, some people will think it’s a tad invasive, but in my experience if you’re worried by something like giving up a few drops of the red stuff then you’ve probably got something to hide.”
The Result: crime suspects are forced to submit to blood testing.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1

2. “This is a breach of privacy in every meaning of the word!” criminal defence attorney @@RANDOMNAME@@ exclaims. “Or three words, but this is an outrage! It’s these peoples’ bodies, not the government’s nor the police’s. If they want to give a DNA sample it should be THEIR decision! Now I’ll admit there have been times when DNA sampling has helped solve a case or two but shouldn’t we be upholding the inherent right of every man and woman to have their body remain unmolested unless they should so choose it? Undoubtedly! DNA sampling should only take place with the person’s informed consent.”
The Result: crime is on the rise as DNA sampling has been all but outlawed.
Civil Rights +4

3. “What about the victims of these crimes?” asks DI @@RANDOMNAME@@, ever gruff and stalwart in the face of adversity. “Do they not have rights? Their right to privacy’s been violated so it ought to be the responsibility of the criminal to give up his own. What I propose is the collection of DNA samples from every citizen in @@NAME@@ so we can track down the culprit if none of our suspects come up with anything. It’ll be expensive, sure, there’s @@POPULATION@@ people to go through… but it’s just a small blood sample. Don’t you think it’s worth it?”
The Result: every citizen must submit to DNA testing to be eliminated from police inquiries.
Civil Rights -5

————————————————————————
#214: Voting For More Money [Not Quite Dead Peoples; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
It has long been traditional in @@NAME@@ for Members of Parliament to set their own salary. This has, however, led to a recent vote in which members unanimously tripled their pay. Watchdog groups have spoken out against this.

The Debate
1. “Oh, wouldn’t the world be a happier place if we could all decide our wages,” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the World Of Watchdog, an anti-corruption foundation. “Who in their right minds would vote against getting more money with no strings attached? This quite obviously cannot be allowed to continue or where will it end? That money should be being used to fund hospitals, not personal luxuries! Well enough is enough! Politicians’ salaries should be set by public vote! Maybe then we’ll see something more reasonable!”
The Results: Members of Parliament are often found living in cardboard boxes.
Civil Rights +4
Economy -1
Political Freedoms +3
Taxes -2
Corruption -1
Rudeness -1

2. “I couldn’t agree less,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Member of Parliament. “Sure, some people might think that having eight cars and three secretaries is excessive, but I’m doing our country a valuable service. Probably one of the most important services there is: representing the people and deciding what course our country should take. It’s an incredibly stressful job and there’s no way we could do it with lower pay. Members of Parliament ought to be allowed anything they want in return for all they do for @@NAME@@. If we have what we want we’re less likely to take bribes too.”
The Results: politicians live in abject luxury.
Economy +1
Political Freedoms-30
Taxes +6

3. “Perhaps there’s a way to compromise,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an amateur economist, philosopher and lepidopterist. “The problem here is that politicians could either be paid too little or too much. What if we paid them just right by paying them according to how well they do their job? Keep a close monitor on the needs of their constituencies and give bonuses for resolving problems and coming under budget. It gives them a proper monetary incentive to do their jobs. Some will have a harder time than others and the whole idea may be costly but if it cracks down on corruption I’m all for it.”
The Results: Members of Parliament operate under a PAYE scheme.
Political Freedoms -1
Taxes +3

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#218: Two Mommies One Too Many? [Duffla; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The commercial release of the controversial children’s book ‘Heather Has Two Mommies’ in @@NAME@@ has sparked debate over laws concerning the adoption of children by homosexual couples.

The Debate
1. “I cannot understand for the life of me why anyone could possibly be against this,” complains Jacob Kantelberg, showing up at your office wearing a pink feather boa. “Bart and I are good and caring people and will make excellent fathers, so what’s the problem? All of the scientific studies have shown that there’s no difference in the wellbeing of children raised by gay and straight couples. All that’s holding these little darlings back from the happy family life that they deserve is the outdated prejudices of some prudes. All we want is to adopt a child to call our own. It’ll be fabulous!”
The Result: an increasing percentage of the population’s youth have homosexual parents.

2. “I don’t care what these so-called scientific studies say,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, representing a number of conservative religious organisations. “How can a boy hope to develop properly into a man if he’s being brought up by poofs? A father figure is not supposed to behave as if it is ‘okay’ to be, um, romantically invested in another man – and the same goes for lesbians! Why? Because it is not okay. It’ll just give them gay! Think about it: say you have two gay @@ANIMAL@@s – they can’t have children because nature did not provide them with the tools and if God wanted gays to have kids then they would have those tools. Don’t legalise this blasphemy! Think of the children!”
The Result: child adoption by homosexual couples has been outlawed.
Godlessness -3
Religiousness +2

3. “This just doesn’t go far enough in my opinion,” grumbles @@RANDOMNAME@@ an ardent opponent to homosexuality. “The more concessions we give these people, the more they’ll reduce our nation to the most embarrassing gayfest of all the region! We’ll be a joke! Homosexuality is a sin, and not only that it’s a disease of society and there’s no two ways about it. It must be criminalised and those responsible hanged just like in the good old days.”
The Result: homosexuality is a crime punishable by death.
Civil Rights +5

—————————————————————————–
#219: Nobody Expects The @@NAME@@ Inquisition! [Habardia; ed:The Most Glorious Hack]

The Issue
Some key figures of @@NAME@@’s major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.

The Debate
1. Cardinal Mortimer Gratwick, Archbishop of @@CAPITAL@@, demands you kiss his ring before telling you, “the Church encourages the formation of an Inquisition. However, it will only be to try those in error and put them on the right track to holiness; you needn’t worry about those nasty thumb-screws and we haven’t had a rack in ages, so we won’t be torturing people. Of course, in order to bring this noble plan into effect, the Holy Office must have jurisdiction over the civil courts.”
The Result: the Holy Office of the Inquisition is the highest court in the land.
Civil Rights -6

2. “This is bloody outrageous!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the nation’s most important civil liberties movement, People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything, while jumping up and down in front of a television camera. “These damn ultra-conservatives will plunge us all into chaos! @@NAME@@ can never have an Inquisition! Everyone should have the right to think, say, believe, etc, whatever the damn they please. When was the last time you released a dove on a monthly basis? Huh? HUH?! That’s what I thought! It’s time to move beyond these primitive beliefs!”
The Result: radio shows frequently feature people denouncing religion.
Civil Rights +2
Taxes -2

3. “The people of @@NAME@@ need more than an Inquisition,” pronounces @@RANDOMNAME@@, known fundamentalist tele-preacher, who pauses hawking the complete DVD collection to make some demands. “We must persecute all those who do not live according to the Book! The Lord has told me that the time has arrived to bring back the good old days! Back when we didn’t have all these touchy-feely, fuzzy-headed punishments. Prison? Ha! Like that’s a punishment! Stick those heathens in the stocks, or even better: bring back stonings! It’ll bring us into a new golden age!”
The Result: atheists and evolutionary biologists are fleeing the country like rats from a sinking ship.
Civil Rights -7
Taxes +2

Issues 181-200

#181: Radio Rebels Ruffle Government [Dupeksland; ed:Myrth]

The Issue
The ‘Underground Element’, a newly formed resistance force to the governing party in @@NAME@@, has begun broadcasting anti-government messages over a network of public radio stations.

The Debate
1. “These rebels are harmless,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, political commentator. “In the interests of free speech and democracy, we should allow them to broadcast their messages. There’s nothing wrong with a little criticism of the government – indeed, it could do with some more incentive to perform well.”
The Result: ‘The Anti-Government Hour’ is a popular programme on many of NATION’s radio stations.
Civil Rights +2
Political Freedoms +28

2. “It’d be one thing if it was genuinely insightful criticism,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your personal advisor. “But this is a disgrace! It’s simply fear-mongering and government-bashing. We should shut down these punks before they fill our citizens’ heads full of mistruths. And while we’re at it, there are a few other radio stations that need to smarten up their attitude to the government, too.”
The Result: a spate of enforced closures has left ‘Government FM’ as the nation’s only radio station.
Civil Rights -4
Economy -2
Political Freedoms -9
Taxes +1

3. “Now now, let’s be reasonable about this,” muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, radio chatshow host. “The government should think very carefully before it gets into the business of telling people what they can and can’t say on the air. The solution here is not to ban criticism, but to price radio station licenses at an appropriate level – that is, higher than a rabble of unshaven hippies can afford.”
The Result: NATION’s airwaves are dominated by corporate-backed commercial radio.
Political Freedoms +1
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#183: Buy A Better Baby? [Sci; ed:Myrth]

The Issue
A top fertility clinic has recently announced a new service allowing parents to create so-called ‘designer babies’.

The Debate
1. “Embryo selection isn’t really genetic engineering in the technical sense,” explains Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the Babies-2-Go Clinic. “It’s more like being able to have a dozen abortions per month until you get the foetus you desire. I can’t really see what’s wrong with parents who can afford it being able to eliminate foetuses with undesirable genetic traits – like stupidity.”
The Result: wealthy parents-to-be can select their perfect baby.
Civil Rights +1
Taxes -1

2. “Thou shalt pay for thy sins!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a crucifix. “This is just meddling with the sanctity of life. If these children are to be born with horrible defects then it’s God’s will and who are we to question it? This technology must be banned at once!”
The Result: research into ‘designer babies’ is banned.
Civil Rights -4
Taxes +2

3. “This technology shows promise,” muses @@RANDOMNAME@@, minister of health. “But we can’t trust the private sector with the future of our nation’s children. We must place it under strict government regulation, so that we only screen out embryos with serious genetic conditions.”
The Result: government-run screening operations remove embryos with severe genetic disorders.
Economy -1
Taxes +1

4. “This has got me thinkin’,” says General @@RANDOMNAME@@, thumbing through a big folder marked ‘X’. “If this technology lets us reduce genetic defects, then couldn’t it work the other way? We could create ourselves an army of genetically superior soldiers! With our army of Super Soldiers, no nation would dare stand in our way!”
The Result: Zvirici’s army is full of two-metre tall super-soldiers.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#184: Compulsory Military Service Under Attack [Randino; ed:Myrth]

The Issue
Concerned mothers and nervous school-leavers are petitioning the government to abolish compulsory military service.

The Debate
1. “Our children are forced to be trained to murder!” protests @@RANDOMNAME@@, chairman of the Parents Against All Things Violent organisation. “For too long now the government has been snatching away our children and training them to become killing machines. This archaic practice must be banned at once! Sure, some of them could end up breaking into cars or terrorising old people, but hey, kids will be kids, right?”
The Result: the military struggles with recruitment.
Civil Rights +4

2. “What a preposterous idea!” scoffs Drill Sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The youth of @@NAME@@ has never needed the discipline provided by the armed forces more than it does today, and with all those rogue states out there we need all the recruits we can get! If anything, the government should lengthen the required service and drop the minimum age to something more reasonable.”
The Result: children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces.
Civil Rights -1

—————————————————————————–

#186: Carjacking Concerns [Vortengard; ed:Myrth]

The Issue
Terrified motorists are complaining about the increasing number of hijackings that are taking place outside the big city areas.

The Debate
1. Hijacking victim @@RANDOMNAME@@ wants the government to take action against the road pirates: “Inner-city crime is nothing compared to the brutality these gangs show! They block the roads with trucks or felled trees and hide on the roadside until some poor unsuspecting motorist pulls up. The government must introduce a special police unit to patrol these isolated areas!”
The Results: armed police units patrol the roads late at night.
Taxes +1
Safety +2
Safety from Crime +1

2. “More police isn’t the answer,” retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of research at @@NAME@@’s largest car manufacturer. “This is a job for the private sector! We already have blueprints for cars with bullet-proof armour and mounted machine guns, and, if you’ll pass appropriate legislation, we can have these things on sale in weeks. Let the people defend themselves!”
The Results: citizens drive tank-like vehicles with mounted machine guns.
Automobile Industry +1
Influence +1

3. “This just proves how cars are more trouble than they’re worth.” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of the Transport Worker’s Union. “If the government bans cars and pours more money into public transport, everyone will be much safer and happier! Except from people who live outside major cities, of course – but then, that’s their choice.”
The Results: urban citizens are forced onto public transport while rural citizens ride horses and buggies.
Economy -7
Taxes +3

————————————————————————
#188: Video Games Too Violent, Say Parents [The Stakanian Isles; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Recently, there has been an enormous commercial success for ‘violent’ video games such as ‘Blood ‘n’ Guts 2: The Revenge’, ‘Tremor’, and ‘Grand Theft Tricycle’. Several parents’ groups have been calling for tougher restrictions on these games.

The Debate
1. “We must outlaw these violent games immediately!” shouts Catherine Gratwick, a member of Mothers Ordered Against Nastiness, “These so-called ‘games’ are desensitising our children to violence and making them more aggressive. Why, just the other day I witnessed my son firing a missile launcher in a videogame and the next day he went out and robbed a bank! He may be thirty-five, but you can’t possibly say it’s a coincidence!”
The Results: Tetris has been banned for its graphic violent content.
Civil Rights -2
Economy -1
Taxes +1

2. “Oh noez!” cries DEATMASTER_69, one of @@NAME@@’s foremost authorities on video games. “That’s stupid! If a child is psychotic, it’s not because they played ‘Hellstorm of Fireblood 3’ or whatever, it’s because their parents were stupid enough to not teach little Johnny the difference between right and wrong and don’t want to take the blame. Just because I like to n00k countries in games doesn’t mean I like to shoot people in real life. That’s false data! So just relax and let the kids play their games, hey?”
The Results: the children of NATION are often remarked upon for their cheery attitude to extreme violence.
Taxes -2

3. “Why not rate games the same way we rate movies?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spokesperson for the @@NAME@@ Censorship Board. “We could give each game a content rating based on age appropriateness, and add descriptors on the box explaining why the game gets a certain rating. A little funding and we can stop children getting violent video games without affecting all the older ‘gamers’. Everyone will be happy. Except tax payers, I guess.”
The Results: only adults may purchase violent video games.
Economy -8
Taxes +1

4. “The children will manage to get their hands on the games anyway,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a fitness instructor. “Parents can be so ignorant. In my opinion, the only damage these video games are causing is physical: kids are becoming less inclined to exercise, and it doesn’t really matter if they are violent; the result is the same either way. The only way to get bums off seats is to ban all video games. Maybe then we’ll see a difference in the national waistline!”
The Results: students everywhere have been despairing after the recent ban on video games.
Civil Rights -4
Economy -1

—————————————————————————–
#189: Dangerously Cheesy [Disposablepuppetland; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
The popular daily cartoon strip “Barry the @@ANIMAL@@” has always been highly critical of the political system within @@NAME@@, but in recent weeks the cartoon has depicted the main characters throwing melted cheese at unpopular politicians. Inspired by this, protestors armed with fondue sets stormed a government building, cheesing off several government officials.

The Debate
1. “It’s just a bit of harmless fun!”, says @@RANDOMNAME@@, creator of Barry the @@ANIMAL@@, while spraying your advisors with melted cheddar. “If the government were doing a better job people wouldn’t feel the need to throw cheese at them. We should be free to express our displeasure in any way we choose. Besides, my cartoon books are selling like hot cakes, and that’s got to be good for the economy, right?”
The Result: cheese has become the new icon of political dissent.
Political Freedoms +20

2. “This has got to stop!” insists @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the censorship board. “I spent 3 hours this morning scraping wensleydale out of my hair! Arrest these lunatics! The protestors and the people responsible for this vile cartoon, throw them all into jail!”
The Result: popular political cartoonists are thrown in jail for inciting dissent.
Civil Rights -1
Political Freedoms -18

3. “Arrrrrgh!” screams lactose-intolerant @@RANDOMNAME@@, a member of the public safety board, as incoming rounds of mature gouda smash the windows and claim the suits of several nearby advisors. “As I’ve been saying for many years now, cheese is a dangerous weapon in the wrong hands and should be outlawed. Ban all cheese now, and enforce it!”
The Result: cheese has been labelled a dangerous weapon and banned.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#190: Immigrants Import Homeland Rivalries [Rowaria; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
After a series of bloody wars between the nations of Maxtopia and North Bigtopia, fights have broken out in the streets between immigrants in @@NAME@@ who came from the warring nations.

The Debate
1. “Foreigners are a major cause of civil disturbances,” begins @@RANDOMNAME@@, whose opinions form the book ‘101 Arguments FOR Slavery’. “What we should do is make all immigrants, foreigners, and non-native @@NAME@@ folks slaves! I mean, who in @@NAME@@ wouldn’t like a minority slave group to do his bidding? Imagine! People could be bought and sold over the Internet!”
The Result: immigrant Maxtopians are routinely sold on popular internet auction sites.
Civil Rights -5
Taxes -1

2. “I am shocked and appalled at what my colleague is suggesting!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, President of the Civil Rights Union of @@NAME@@. “Slavery? We should punish these offenders, yes, but send them to rehabilitation centres instead! As for the ethnic squabbles, programs in school should begin to stop these racist attitudes in childhood! All it will take is some slight fortification to the education budget!”
The Result: children are brainwashed at a young age to accept “Love and peace!” as a way of life.
Taxes +1 (in less developed nations +0)

3. A quiet old man stands up to speak. “Now, I may be a quiet old man, but I believe that these ethnic disputes are none of the government’s business. It’s not our war anyway, so it’s not our problem. I’m sure if you leave it alone, it’ll work itself out. Just think of the money that would be saved if the police don’t have to be paid to deal with this!”
The Result: the government’s new ‘Crime Can Fight Itself’ policy appears to be backfiring rather badly.
Taxes -2

4. “It’s not our war? It’s not our war?” cries (in)famous @@NAME@@-born fascist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Well maybe it’s time it became our war! @@NAME@@ should take a more active, and by ‘active’ I mean ‘hostile’, role in international politics! This ethnic squabbling will be over when the war is over, and WE can end that war and purge the impure! @@SLOGAN@@! Sieg @@NAME@@!”
The Result: a massive campaign is underway to ensure the race of NATION remains pure.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#191: Blood Banks Running Dry [Karmanyaka; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A violent and rather messy stampede of @@ANIMAL@@s during a parade in your honour has brought widespread media attention to the shortage of blood, plasma and platelet donors in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. “Blood donation should be compulsory!” argues @@RANDOMNAME@@, a spokesperson for the @@NAME@@ Blood Donors’ Association. “We can’t expect citizens to come flocking to donate blood just out of the goodness of their hearts, so the government should take the matter into its own hands. If we could maybe require healthy citizens to… let’s say… donate blood every three months, we wouldn’t have such a problem with shortages. It’ll require more funding to organise and carry out, yes, but your people are worth it, aren’t they?”
The Result: citizens are forced to donate blood once every three months.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1

2. “Don’t listen to that devil worshipper!” preaches @@RANDOMNAME@@, a Jehovah’s Witness. “It isn’t up to us to decide what should be done, it is God, and only God, who decides what someone should do with their blood. I’d rather die clean and go to Heaven, thank you very much! We must heed this Gospel and ban blood donations now! Of course some people will die, but they will be rewarded in the afterlife for obeying His word.”
The Result: blood donations have been banned because of the risk of eternal unrest.
Civil Rights -4
Taxes -1

3. “You’re kidding, right?” burbles anaemic patient @@RANDOMNAME@@ from a hospital bed. “I’m not going to let some closed-minded priest tell me what I can and can’t do with my blood! But I don’t think people should be forced to give blood; they just need incentive, that’s all. Like money. Trust me, any kind of ‘@@CURRENCY@@s For Blood’ scheme will have them almost begging to donate. It’s the only humane way to ensure that people like me are getting the care we need. If you’re worried about funding just get it from those religious nuts… they’re not helping anyone with it.”
The Result: the poor are often seen pale and dizzy after selling their blood to make ends meet.
Civil Rights +6
Public Healthcare +1
Godlessness +1
Religiousness -1
Weather +2

4. “I have an even better idea,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a prison officer. “How about we force every healthy prisoner to donate blood? It’s about time they gave back to society what they’ve taken away in the first place. If we do this we won’t have to beg the law-abiding citizens of @@NAME@@ to take time out of their day to give blood. It’s not like these thugs are really doing anything for us, so missing a pint or three won’t matter, am I right?”
The Result: jails have become colloquially known as ‘vampire houses’.
Civil Rights -2

—————————————————————————–
#195: Right Of Way Or Wrong Of Way? [Teaberry; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
An increasing number of land owners have been fencing off footpaths which run through or near their property and as a result you have been petitioned by The Rambler’s and Hiker’s Association to allow the ‘right to roam’.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous hiker of @@NAME@@’s countryside, storms into your office, arms waving dangerously. “These pompous land owners are fencing off hundreds of years of tradition! The public should have right of way by law! It is every man’s right to be able to enjoy the scenic beauty of our native lands and I don’t see why some toffee-nosed prat should be the only person allowed to walk around his hundreds of acres of land when most of us don’t even have one! It’s simply unforgivable! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going for a walk! Wherever I ruddy well like!”
The Result: public footpaths are being slowly eroded by the burgeoning number of ramblers.
Civil Rights +10

2. “It’s trespass, plain and simple,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, wealthy owner of six mansions. “My home is my castle! If these smelly ramblers think they can abuse and defile my land, they should start thinking again! You’ve got to look at this reasonably: where people go, pollution follows. Before I know it I’m going to have litter in my fields, drunken parties in my woods, and more eroded footpaths than I can count! Will they be the ones paying to have it all maintained? Not likely! I say no to this ‘right to roam’ rubbish! This land is mine, and I intend to keep it that way.”
The Result: large areas of NATION are not accessible by the public.

3. “There’s an opportunity in every problem,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Rural Affairs. “And there’s always some sort of compromise. We could simply allocate some government funding to teams of environmental workers to maintain and promote our network of footpaths that anyone may use… for a price. Think of the money we could get from all those hikers and ramblers! Not to mention the tourists, birdwatchers, and hippies! Everybody wins! Except for those who can’t afford the fees, I guess, but you can’t please everyone.”
The Result: all footpaths have tollbooths.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–

#197: Breastfeeding In Public: Innocent Or Indecent? [Bronteland; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A young mother was recently thrown out of a restaurant in @@NAME@@ for publicly breastfeeding her baby and ‘upsetting the customers’. There are now demands for the government to state their position on the issue.

The Debate
1. “We should have a perfect right to feed our babies where we want and when we want without fear of harassment from anyone,” declares Catherine Gratwick, a likewise young mother. “Why should women hide themselves away just to assuage the silly attitudes of these narrow-minded fogies? It’s totally natural, and much healthier than bottle-feeding for both mother and child so why the fuss? Today, women are afraid to breastfeed in public and the law should be on their side – if not for their benefit, then for that of the children.”
The Result: female newsreaders distract the nation by breastfeeding during broadcast.

Civil Rights +4
2. “I think it’s just wrong, wrong, wrong,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, in reply to an online survey. “These women should cover themselves up and feed their kids away from sight like respectable folk. It’s not like bottles don’t exist! I don’t want to have to look at that sort of thing when I’m having a romantic dinner or going on a nice leisurely walk down the street, you know. It should be a private thing, like other bodily functions that I rather care not to mention.”
The Result: nursing mothers are often arrested for indecent exposure.

Civil Rights -2

Taxes -1
3. “I’m not against mothers breastfeeding in public,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a manager of human resources. “But what I find objectionable is that women could be allowed to breastfeed at the workplace when they should be doing more productive things like, well, working. They can’t do that if they want to entertain and feed their baby at the same time can they? Can you imagine policewomen doing this on the job? Doctors? Politicians? Mark my words, this is a bad path to take and will ultimately be disruptive to the national economy. And my bonus.”
The Result: breastfeeding mothers are replacing smokers to loiter outside the workplace.

Civil Rights +3

—————————————————————————–

#200: Birds, Bees, And Breeding Teens [Eta Carinae; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A study has shown that an increasing proportion of teenagers in @@NAME@@ are falling pregnant.

The Debate
1. “We need comprehensive sex education to be mandatory in all schools,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a teacher while tidying away some diagrams that make your eyes water. “The plain fact is that teenagers will experiment with sexual intercourse despite what society or their parents wish. So I say give these kids free contraceptives, and make them fully aware of the consequences of their actions. Information is what they need, not condemnation. If they ignore it then hey, it’s their own damn fault.”
The Results: schoolchildren have twice-weekly sex education classes.

2. “If you give them contraception it’ll just encourage them to do… terrible things,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a religious parent and member of Moral Minority. “And what’s with giving them so much information? There’s even diagrams for goodness sake! Have they never heard of ‘monkey see, monkey do’? They’ll just go and try it out, mark my words! The solution is simple: girls should be kept at home and away from the monkey house of lustful impetuousness and young males until they are of marriageable age. Teaching teenagers abstinence and chastity is the key, not giving them step-by-step manuals.”
The Results: dark alleys and public toilets are filled with furtive sexual activities among teenagers and unmarried adults.
Taxes +1

3. “However sex education is taught, it is still social engineering and so undermines parental authority,” says conservative newspaper columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “My own son learned about something called ‘homosexuality’ the other day! For shame! We all know it should be Adam and Eve, not Adam and… Geoff? Anyway, my point is that sex education should be dropped from schools and instead taught by parents the way they see fit. That way children will get consistent messages and parents, not society, will cop the blame if any of their kids fall pregnant.”
The Results: a study has shown that many parents are too embarrassed to teach their children sex education.
Taxes -1

4. “No-one’s asked me my opinion yet,” says Catherine Gratwick, a teenage mother as she bottle-feeds her baby. “I think it’s perfectly obvious what the cause of teenage pregnancy is – teenage boys! My son’s father is the one that got me into this mess. He’s the one who pressured me into having sex, but all the education is focused on the girls. Teenage fathers should be made responsible for their actions for once and be made to join the military so they can send their wages back to pay for their children’s upkeep. If that’s not a deterrent, then I don’t know what is.”
The Results: teenage fathers are forced to join the army.
Civil Rights -3

5. “I think we’ve missed the fact that maybe this teenage pregnancy phenomenon is not such a bad thing,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous demographer. “We need the population to grow, we need more people of working age, we need more tax for public services, et cetera. There are plenty of sound demographical reasons why we should be encouraging women to have families. By all means educate them about the dangers, but I don’t think we ought to discourage teenagers from procreating – it’s nature’s way you know.”
The Results: the lowest age at which one can marry has been recently lowered to 12.
Civil Rights +5
Taxes +1

Issues 161-180

#161: Where There’s A Will There’s A Tax [Rehochipe; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After the vast fortunes of a recently deceased oil tycoon in @@NAME@@ were left to a small cactus plant, citizens nationwide have been asking the same question: should the inheritance tax laws be changed?

The Debate
1. “Every time I see a stupid rich kid having an easy ride of life with money they did nothing to deserve, I go into a jealous rage and start punching walls,” says economically disadvantaged individual @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Abolish inheritance entirely! If the government takes the inheritance then we can spend all that cash on things that make ordinary people’s lives better, like education, social welfare, and attack helicopters.”
The Result: the government seizes the property of the recently deceased.
Political Freedoms -4
Taxes +2

2. “This is a disgusting breach of my human rights,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, heir to an international widget empire. “Just think of all the poor families who have spent their lives scrimping and saving with the dream of passing on a modest luxury yacht to ensure the security of their children’s children. All that sacrifice, all that toil, all those long nights working their fingers to the bone setting up offshore accounts – it brings a tear to my eye. Inheritance tax has got to go!”
The Result: inheritance tax has recently been abolished.
Political Freedoms +2
Taxes -2

3. “Surely we can arrange some sort of compromise here,” says comfortable knitwear fan @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Yes, it’s true that some people exploit the system – but a lot of people rely on inheritance for their basic support! Why don’t we just set a sensible ceiling on how much you can inherit? That way you get to keep the family farm, but not the five mansions and the oil refinery.”
The Result: the government is notorious for leaving citizens with almost nothing from their inheritance.
Political Freedoms -6
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#162: Animal Experimentation Laws Under Scrutiny [Voroziniya; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Scientists and animal rights activists have once again brought up the debate over animal experimentation to your attention.

The Debate
1. “What have those poor, defenceless animals ever done to us?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the East @@NAME@@ @@ANIMAL@@ Sanctuary. “Kidnapping these helpless creatures from their habitat simply to stick probes and needles in them is just barbaric! How would you like it if someone caged you in a lab and conducted tests on you just to find out whether a new product was fit for sale? Experimenting on animals ought to be banned!”
The Result: dog breeding has been banned in accordance with recent animal experimentation laws.
Economy -6

2. “It is not unethical,” replies Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, the chief surgeon at @@NAME@@’s largest Cancer Research Clinic. “The unethical thing to do would be to deny the public of the benefit of the great scientific advancements we’re making! If we have to sacrifice some animals in the name of science, healthcare, or a commercial venture, then that’s just what we’ve got to do! Think of the lives we could save! All we require is more government support and funding for this worthy cause.”
The Result: several citizens have complained about scientists abducting their pets for experimentation.
Economy +5

—————————————————————————–
#163: Referenda: Are they Right For @@NAME@@? [Ideal State; ed:Melkor Unchained]

The Issue
After the Parliament of @@NAME@@ recently passed a controversial law that polls have shown to be very unpopular with the public, a group of concerned citizens has called for mandatory referenda for all laws passed before the state.

The Debate
1. “We want real democracy, and we want it now!” proclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for special interest group ‘Direct Democracy Now!’ “The fact that this latest law went through has proven that voting for a Parliament every four years is obviously not enough. Laws must be passed by the masses – that is the only way we can be sure that the will of the people is truly being enforced! We must have mandatory referenda for ALL new laws.”
The Result: a referendum must be held in order for any new law to be passed.
Political Freedoms -3
Taxes +2

2. “Don’t listen to these demagogues!” implores one of your top advisors, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “This is a ridiculous and dangerous idea! Referenda are costly and inefficient, and a direct threat to the fine institution that is our Parliament. What do you think we have the Parliament for anyway? Our citizenry nowadays don’t know what’s good for them. They’re too busy milling around at the mall and buying sneakers WITH LIGHTS IN THEM. More control needs to be given to our qualified, intelligent–and most of all INFORMED–politicians.”
The Result: referenda are banned by law and the Parliament has absolute control of the legislative process.
Political Freedoms -3
Taxes +5

3. “Referenda are a good idea in principle, but to make them mandatory for each and every law is simply impractical,” states Political Scientist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Representative democracy exists because direct democracy would never work in practice in a large society such as @@NAME@@. Just think of all the bureaucracy and expense that would go into it! I suggest that referenda be allowed, but only if at least a third of voters sign a petition requesting one. That should be a nice balance between democracy and practicality.”
The Result: referenda can be called for any law at the request of at least one third of the voting population.
Corruption +1

—————————————————————————–
#164: Licence To Breed? [Kazcaper; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Increasing reports of child abuse and neglect in @@NAME@@ has prompted local pressure groups to call for ‘parental licences’.

The Debate
1. “You need a licence to keep @@ANIMAL@@s or drive a car,” points out local current affairs commentator, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “So why should just any random idiot get to be a mother or father? It just doesn’t make sense! If all potential parents had to pass tests to prove they’re responsible enough, I’m sure you’d find that it would help decrease the level of child abuse, and increase proper discipline in the home.”
The Result: citizens wishing to be parents must undertake a series of gruelling tests to evaluate their capabilities.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes +3

2. “This is madness!” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@. “You can’t deny perfectly good people the right to bring life into this world! @@ANIMAL@@s manage it easily enough, and you can’t tell me they’ve got more responsibility than your average upstanding citizen of @@NAME@@! The government should keep out of such matters – I’ve always said social workers and welfare was a drain on the budget. Yes, there will be some sad cases of neglect, but shouldn’t we be giving parents the benefit of the doubt?”
The Result: almost half of the child population live rough on the streets.
Civil Rights +2

3. “The answer to this problem is patently obvious,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your minister of Social Welfare. “The government simply needs to give more funding to the welfare department so that we can recruit more social workers to carry out regular checks on parents and judge whether or not they’re doing a good job of looking after their children. It’ll be expensive, but at least it’s a damn sight fairer than licensing parents.”
The Result: welfare funding has recently gone through the roof.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#166: Vote For ‘None of the Above’? [Kamikachidonia; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A loose coalition of political activists running the gamut of the political spectrum has started a petition to add ‘None of the Above’ as an option on every ballot, so that a voter can reject all candidates if he feels none of them represent a viable option. If ‘None of the Above’ wins the election, a new election with all-new candidates would have to be held.

The Debate
1. “It’s a simple matter really,” says left-wing activist and former rock star @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Sometimes when you’re voting, all the options suck. Why then should people be forced to hold their nose and vote for the lesser of two, or even three or four evils? Adding ‘None of the Above’ to the ballot would ensure that the people have a choice at all times, even if that choice is to reject the choices they have been given!”
The Result: elections have become procedural nightmares due to voters persistently rejecting candidates.
Political Freedoms +9
Taxes +1

2. “Adding ‘None of the Above’ to the ballot makes absolutely no sense,” contributes conservative political pundit @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Those who want to run for office have already put their names on the ballot, and if none of those options suits the voter, that’s just too bad. Instead, we ought to prevent this sort of problem and limit the number of options. Sure, fewer people can run, but that will eliminate costly runoff elections completely!”
The Result: voters must frequently select what they view as the lesser of two evils on the ballot.
Political Freedoms -3

—————————————————————————–
#167: Fluoride Controversy A Toothy Problem [Enlightened Harmony; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Recent reports revealing that the dental health of @@NAME@@ is far below the regional average have ignited a fierce debate over whether to introduce fluoride to the nation’s tap water reserves.

The Debate
1. “Fluoride has been shown time and time again to promote dental health,” argues Dr. Edwin Namel, Chairman of ‘Friends of The Teeth’. “It’s not an experimental drug for heaven’s sake, it’s an accepted method of promoting national good health. A nationwide program for the fluoridation of drinking water should not be seen as optional – it’s a no-brainer for any sensible government. We need to implement this now, whether the public want it or not.”
The Result: the people are famous throughout the region for their bleached-white teeth.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes +1

2. “I am strongly against this proposal!” rages @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the more vociferous members of the @@NAME@@ Green Society. “When I turn on the water tap I expect to get just that. Water. Nothing else. We are not lab rats and it is not the government’s place to force us into taking these chemicals! In fact I reckon we should put the brakes on all these new chemicals doctors keep pumping into people and give us the right to say no!”
The Result: the public health bureaucracy is wrapped in miles of red tape.
Civil Rights +1

3. “There’s no need to go to either extreme,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your personal dentist. “It’s all about, um, choice. Here’s a nice alternative: why not just have clean non-fluorinated drinking water and give more funds to dentists? If we had enough money, we could make all dental care absolutely free! It will be demanding on the taxpayers I know, but they’ll surely be happy when they all have sparkling white teeth!”
The Result: most of the nation’s wealthy aristocrats are dentists
Public Healthcare +4

—————————————————————————–
#168: @@NAME@@ Plagued By STD Epidemic! [Eta Carinae; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
A medical report has detailed a twenty-fold increase in infection rates over the past ten years of the sexually transmitted disease VODAIS (Viral Overactive Dysfunction of the Auto-Immune System). People all over the nation are petitioning that the government do something about the epidemic.

The Debate
1. “This situation is about to explode. At this rate, this epidemic could severely impact our economy, our way of life, and even our government,” says Doctor @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We must supply powerful drugs to all infected people, even if we have to produce and distribute it ourselves. We must also educate people on the dangers of VODAIS and supply condoms to all sexually active males. Sure, we’ll need to divert tax money from the military to fund all this, but what good is a military if the soldiers are too sick to fight?”
The Result: the government has undertaken a massive education and health program to combat VODAIS.

2. “If you supply condoms, you’ll increase sexual promiscuity,” scoffs religious leader @@RANDOMNAME@@. “If you supply drugs, you’ll risk creating an aura of invincibility which in turn increases sexual promiscuity. Sexual abstinence is 100% effective in preventing VODAIS infection. This knowledge must be taught at all schools and workplaces, and all other choices must be ridiculed. Make celibacy the only option!”
The Result: people have to sneak out of the country in order to have sex.
Civil Rights -2
Happiness -2
Averageness +18

3. “Supplying drugs and condoms will not stop VODAIS infections and forcing everyone to be celibate will be the slow death of @@NAME@@,” whispers Health Minister @@RANDOMNAME@@ in a poorly-lit back room. “Segregating the infected people is the most effective method. Everybody in @@NAME@@ must be tested for VODAIS. Then all the VODAIS positive people will be shipped to seperate gated communities away from the rest of us. If they need to mingle with uninfected people, then they must wear distinguishing badges that feature a Grim Reaper holding a skeletal @@ANIMAL@@.”
The Result: otherwise healthy people are being sent to internment camps because they have VODAIS.
Civil Rights -5
Taxes -2

—————————————————————————–

#169: @@ANIMAL@@ Hunting Laws Under Dispute [Vigorithia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The fierce debate on @@ANIMAL@@ hunting in @@NAME@@ has been brought to your attention after vociferous supporters of both sides of the argument stormed your parliament.

The Debate
1. “@@ANIMAL@@ hunting is a cruel and horrible ‘sport’ for the wealthy,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the ‘Protect Anything Cute and Furry Society’. “How can you possibly justify it? Oh, they witter on about ‘tradition’ and ‘pest control’ and other such nonsense, but really we all know it’s because these sadists love to torture poor, innocent animals! Hunting must be banned!”
The Results: the upper class have been throwing riots after hunting was recently banned.
Civil Rights -6

2. “Banning @@ANIMAL@@ hunting would be the end for centuries of tradition!” wails esteemed aristocrat @@RANDOMNAME@@ from atop his steed. “The thrill of the chase, the baying of the hounds, the @@ANIMAL@@ scooting through the undergrowth – it would be a travesty! We provide much needed stimulus to the local tourism, and you can’t deny that @@ANIMAL@@s are pests – killing farmers’ livestock for example! I propose that @@ANIMAL@@ hunting be encouraged, for the cultural – and economic – benefit of the nation!”
The Results: the nation is famous for having one of the world’s largest ANIMAL hunting institutions.

3. “Well, you know what I think?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, while helping to assemble a small trebuchet. “I reckon that the real issue about this sport is the cruelty aspect, and no-one can deny that sending a pack of dogs to tear apart a poor, innocent @@ANIMAL@@ is cruel. I reckon we should just ban hunting with hounds and only allow kinder and more instantly lethal methods like guns, tranquillisers, and cruise missiles.”
The Results: main battle tanks stalk the woods of NATION in search of ANIMALS.

4. “I’m firmly against the slaughter of dumb animals,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, while feeding an infant @@ANIMAL@@ with a milk bottle. “It would be best if the animals didn’t die, and hunters could still do what they love to do – how about instead of shooting them or sending vicious canines after them, the hunter runs up to his quarry and gives it a symbolic ‘tap’ with his hand? Now isn’t that much nicer for everyone?”
The Results: hunters have been known to lose limbs while attempting to ‘play tag’ with their prey.

————————————————————————
#171: Kids And Criminality: Whose Responsibility? [East Stalinia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Recent studies showing that the sources of @@NAME@@’s most common street crimes (vandalism, muggings, joyriding, and witchcraft) are children under the age of criminal responsibility has prompted a national outcry for government action.

The Debate
1. “These damned hooligans are running wild on our streets!” splutters hard-nosed Sergeant @@RANDOMNAME@@ of the police force. “My overworked officers can’t cope anymore! Everywhere we look we’re being surrounded by mobs of unruly children! I need you to give me and my officers the power to dish out punishment to these little hoodlums. I don’t care how young these kids are – they need to learn to behave properly as soon as possible. Even if it requires a short jail sentence of ten years or so.”
The Results: eight year-olds with lemonade stands have been known to be locked up on charges of embezzlement.
Civil Rights -6
Taxes +1
2. “The last thing we need is a police force that prosecutes, convicts, AND sentences young kids!” yells outraged Child Welfare Officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. “These youngsters are merely children being playful! Let them learn from their own mistakes! You can’t tell me you weren’t ever naughty when you were that young! Experience is the tree from which learning is a fruit, remember, and besides: the taxes needed to round them all up would be murder.”
The Results: the nation’s youth is held blameless for all crimes.
Civil Rights +8

3. “Hah! Yeh’re lookin’ at this the wrong way!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an elderly pensioner, hobbling up to you and poking you in the chest with a walking stick. “When I was wee, and if I was caught breakin’ the law, me dad would’ve beaten seven types of bahoola out of me! If a kid’s gone maladjusted and started nickin’ cars and whatnot, look at the parents and punish them for not bringin’ the tiny scions up right! Yeh can’t blame a kid for the environment they were raised in an’ that’s that!”
The Results: parents are held criminally responsible for their children’s crimes.

—————————————————————————–

#174: Maternity Leave A Must, Say Mothers [Vashaan; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A coalition of expectant mothers (Mothers 4 Justice) has banded together to demand legislation allowing for six months of fully paid maternity leave.

The Debate
1. “Six months?! Six WHOLE months?!” blusters @@RANDOMNAME@@, a payroll manager. “Six whole months of being fully paid by our company for doing nothing but looking after a baby?! This will sink the small businesses and lose us an obscene amount of revenue! We cannot allow this to pass!”
The Result: the nanny industry has had a boom after maternity leave was recently banned.
Economy +3
Taxes -3

2. “I believe that passing this law will be a step in the right direction,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, the nation’s most outspoken feminist advocate. “These kids need their mothers’ love and attention during an important part of their growth development! I don’t see why mums should be forced to juggle with the stress of bringing up children and having a job! It’s simply too much! Six months maternity leave with full pay is what this country needs – even if it is at the expense of a few avaricious fat cats.”
The Result: all mothers are allowed six months fully-paid maternity leave.
Civil Rights +2

3. “Look, I’ve got an idea,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an obsessive centrist. “Perhaps we can allow for six months of paid maternity leave, but have the government pay the companies for lost revenue? That way the mothers can bring up their children without financial worries, companies won’t lose investors, and everyone will be happy. Apart from the taxpayers, of course, but you can’t please everyone.”
The Result: untold millions of forintas are going into a new government-funded maternity leave scheme.
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–
#175: Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous? [Masalium; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The highly moral and religious pressure group ‘Cuckolds And Cuckqueans Anonymous’ has lobbied for the criminalisation of adultery.

The Debate
1. “Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@ while wearing a T-shirt bearing the slogan ‘Marriage is for life, not just for anniversaries’. “Whatever happened to lifelong companionship? Whatever happened to simple faithfulness because of love?! Adultery seems to be more of a hobby than anything these days! The government must impose the utmost punishments on those who commit this sin. A good old-fashioned stoning should sort it!”
The Result: adultery has been made a capital offence.
Civil Rights -4
Taxes +1

2. “I don’t agree with adultery either,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a passer-by. “But, uh… stoning? You don’t think that’s a little extreme? If we find someone guilty of fornication we can just lock them up in jail. That way no-one gets killed and the sinners get justice. It’s more expensive to the tax payers than a stoning of course, but I reckon it’s worth it.”
The Result: those found guilty of illicit affairs are jailed.
Civil Rights -1
Taxes +1

3. “With the greatest of respect, this is none of your business!” yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ who is rumoured to have had more than a thousand lovers and even more children. “The government has no right to go about trying to dictate the laws of love and romance! Marriages break down, people move on – is it really the government’s place to make people stay put? You must recognise the fact that the law has no place within the bedroom!”
The Result: NATION is notorious for its citizens’ infidelity.
Civil Rights +3
Taxes -2

—————————————————————————–
#178: Free Press Too Free? [Ice Hockey Players; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Citizens, politicians, and businessmen have been campaigning for the government to keep a tighter rein on the media after several well-respected newspapers printed false articles with contents ranging from claims that the capital city had been stolen by a UFO to erroneous share prices which led to job-losses and a stock market decline.

The Debate
1. “Over a thousand jobs lost!” clamours @@RANDOMNAME@@, angry protester and ex-employee of Dreddmax Incorporated. “And why? Because the press isn’t concerned about the truth anymore; all it wants is higher sales! We must forbid these rags from lying to the people and dish out heavy fines to those who try! This so-called ‘free press’ has a dark side, you know. We learnt that ever since we discovered it wasn’t cottage cheese they were mining up north!”
The Result: reporters often lose their jobs over fact-checking errors.
Civil Rights -4
Political Freedoms -3

2. “This is censorship!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, editor-in-chief of The Hebdomadal Gabfest while carefully noting everything you say in a notepad. “We speak for the people! Admittedly some newspapers didn’t check all of their facts before they published, but that doesn’t merit such draconian measures at all! If we’re only allowed to print the absolute truth then how soon before we’re getting constantly sued by politicians for libel? What about our rumour columns? It’ll totally destroy the business! The government must have no part in repression of the media!”
The Result: truth is often impossible to tell from fiction on the evening news.
Civil Rights +6
Political Freedoms +16

3. “You know that no matter what we decide we’re going to make people mad,” points out @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Public Relations. “But the best way to control public opinion is to tell the public what their opinions are. I suggest nationalising all the newspapers and putting them under government control. Then we can tell them whatever we like! After all, we’re much more trustworthy than some profit-driven media moguls, right? At least we won’t have to issue ANOTHER public statement to tell everyone you’re not a hyper-intelligent aubergine.”
The Result: all news sources are under strict government control.
Civil Rights -10
Political Freedoms -32
Taxes +2

Issues 141-160

#142: Roads Like Roller Coasters, Complain Motorists [Mirkai; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group of local motorists have assembled outside of City Hall to protest against the shoddy state of roads in @@NAME@@.

The Debate
1. “These roads are terrible!” shouts @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the @@NAME@@ Auto Club. “Every few feet there’s a crack, or a pothole, or a gravel patch, or the remains of someone else’s car! It’s really too much! And just look at this-” he adds, rubbing a nasty bruise on his forehead – “I got that from my rear-view mirror after flying over a bump on Main Street! These roads must be fixed! There really needs to be vast improvements made now, before anyone gets seriously hurt.”
The Results: roads are often attended by round-the-clock construction crews.
Taxes +1

2. @@RANDOMNAME@@, avowed anti-spending advocate, disagrees: “Road construction? What a waste of @@CURRENCY@@s! If people can still drive on them, then the roads are fine as they are. Spending more to make trivial repairs would just be a waste of the tax payers’ money! We should just ignore these whiners and leave the roads as they are and if the drivers don’t like that – well… then they can just learn to walk like the rest of us.”
The Results: the roads are virtually falling apart.

3. “Why on Earth is it the government’s responsibility to build and maintain roads?” asks bicyclist @@RANDOMNAME@@, pausing for breath. “Not all citizens own automobiles, you know. The government should be trying to make life better for all, not just car owners! If people want roads, then let private industry build them, and they can charge tolls to the people who actually drive on them. Leave the government out of it!”
The Results: women earn less than half the salary of men if they can even find a job.
Economy +1
Taxes -2

—————————————————————————–

#143: An Archaeological Altercation [Fiscali; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
During the construction of a new Hyper-Mega-Ultra-Super Mall, construction workers have unearthed what appears to be an ancient temple. A furious debate has arisen between those who wish to preserve it, and those who need their retail therapy.

The Debate
1. “This is the perfect opportunity to learn more of our nation’s history!” says Professor @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the archaeological department of the @@NAME@@ History Museum. “All building work must be halted immediately so that my team can study this remarkable piece of our nation’s past. To bury these ruins under some concrete eyesore would be criminal!”
The Result: prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams.
Economy -7
Taxes +2
Culture +1

2. “It’s all very nice to get to know some more about our past,” argues foreman @@RANDOMNAME@@. “But that’s just the thing! It’s the past! We must think of the future. If you allow those decrepit fossils to take over this place, you put at risk the future of our economy! Today it’s archaeological digs, tomorrow it’s ‘preservation of the environment’. Just let me bulldoze the worthless pile of rubble and bury it under a few hundred tonnes of concrete.”
The Result: major archaeological findings are frequently bulldozed to make way for new buildings.
Economy +12
Taxes -1

3. “Behold, the hour has arrived! The Holy Temple of Firefury Amahira has been unearthed!” proclaims Yon-Zhauryg v’Klot, leader of the Cult of the Undead @@ANIMAL@@. “This land is sacred, and must not be befouled by these corporations! No-one but the enlightened children of Firefury must be allowed to venture inside our rediscovered sanctuary, where we will perform the required rituals to please the Great Goddess and prevent Her from unleashing Her wrath upon the world.”
The Result: archaeological discoveries are often followed by mysterious hamster abductions.
Civil Rights +3

—————————————————————————–
#145: Hackles Raised Over Fur Clothes Debate [Naturhio; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Several animal rights groups have protested the continuing use of fur as a material for clothing.

The Debate
1. “This is an outrage!” cries @@RANDOMNAME@@, president of the Be Nice To Animals society. “The manufacture of fur apparel is unethical, cruel, and disgusting! People just don’t seem to realise that millions of animals die each year in fur farms, crammed into tiny cages and suffering the most terrible treatment just so someone can look appealing and rich! This is a sick practice and must be stopped! The same can go for leather shoes and snakeskin belts too.”
The Result: the wearing and manufacture of fur apparel is banned.
Economy -2

2. “You can’t mean that, surely?” snorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, adjusting his hat, made from real @@ANIMAL@@ hide. “It’s the people’s choice what they wear. I don’t think it’s fair that the majority of the public should be deprived of fur clothes because some people are a bit queasy. In fact, if the government would allow us to stock rarer animals, we could produce even finer products. In the end, it’s up to the consumer, don’t you think?”
The Result: fur coats have become the latest fashion trend.
Economy +3
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#148: Spare The Rod, Demand Welfare Activists [Eastern Newfoundland; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The @@NAME@@ S.P.C.C. has launched a fresh campaign to stop parents from smacking their children. They demand that the government introduce laws to ban this form of ‘corporal punishment’.

The Debate
1. Child Psychiatrist, Dr. @@RANDOMNAME@@, speaks at a press conference on the matter: “Parents and teachers must realise that smacking children increases aggressiveness, lowers their self-esteem, and can cause long-term emotional trauma! How can anybody think that it is anything but child abuse? Parents who resort to smacking their children are obviously unfit to be parents at all! We must ban this horrible practice at once!”
The Result: parents live in fear of governmental ‘child protection’ squads.
Compassion +1
Government Size +1
Law Enforcement +1
Niceness +1
Pacifism +2
Rudeness -1
Safety -2
Safety from Crime -1
Weaponization +1
Welfare +2
Youth Rebelliousness +2

2. “What are these lunatics on about?!” yells @@RANDOMNAME@@, a concerned parent. “Smacking children has been an effective form of punishment since the dawn of mankind! Outlaw it and I guarantee you the next generation will be a disorderly disaster! Children need, nay CRAVE discipline! Sometimes the only language they understand is the cane, and the government has to respect that!”
The Result: record sales of ‘child-whacking sticks’ have been reported.
Civil Rights +6

—————————————————————————–
#150: Bug ’em All, Say Police [Niziania; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The @@NAME@@ police force have come to you for permission to use phone taps to trace suspected criminals.

The Debate
1. “This is a great idea,” says police officer @@RANDOMNAME@@. “We can never have too much evidence in a case, and this will be of enormous help to us at reducing crime and seeing that those who deserve punishment get justice! If we could just get those silly privacy laws repealed and some funding we could find out stuff the government wants to know too.”
The Result: phone taps are frequently carried out by the police.
Civil Rights -4

2. “This is an unacceptable intrusion into the personal lives of the population,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ while checking under your chair for bugs. “Just imagine all of the sensitive personal information that the police will pick up! Would you like someone listening to your calls to your mother or your lover? I think not! Laws should be passed so that the government and police can’t stick their big noses where they’re not wanted!”
The Result: it is illegal for police officers to carry out searches due to strict privacy laws.
Civil Rights +6
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#153: Protesters Have Gone Too Far, Claim Police [Utopian Gandhism; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group protesting against the @@NAME@@ government began a riot yesterday which resulted in the death of Mr. Benson, a police officer.

The Debate
1. “This is an outrage!” cries Police Chief @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The people of @@NAME@@ just don’t know how good they have it! Our nation is a gem compared to many others, but if you give an inch they will take a mile. I had to tell officer Benson’s wife yesterday that their child will grow up without a father. Do I think public protests should be outlawed? You’re damn right I do.”
The Result: protests are illegal
Political Freedoms -11
Taxes +1

2. “It all happened so fast,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of the protesters. “The crowd was just chanting, you know… and then they tear gassed us. I saw one cop, this Mr. Benson, club a teenager right in the face! For what? Speaking his mind! That’s when the crowd rushed him. I’m sorry he’s dead, but the police think they have a right to do whatever they want – things get out of hand sometimes. I think the police department should keep out of the way when we’re protesting – even if things do get… excited.”
The Result: recent protests against birds flying too low have resulted in bloodshed.
Civil Rights +1
Political Freedoms +17

3. “It’s because protests get out of hand sometimes that we need a police presence,” argues PC @@RANDOMNAME@@ eventually after singing the national anthem to you. “Even violent protestors have a right to feel safe on the streets. If that means we have to die to protect the innocent, then that means we have to die. I think protests should be restricted to a designated area where police can keep an eye on the protestors. Then everything can go nice and smoothly and no one will have to worry about being beaten to death.”
The Result: protests are legal but strictly supervised.
Political Freedoms -2
Taxes +1

————————————————————————
#154: Ban The ‘Boards, Say Pedestrians [HappyFluffyBunnies; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
The conservative Northern-based parents group of “Housewives and Convicts for a Safer @@NAME@@” has put forward a memorandum to ban skateboarding in public.

The Debate
1. “Skateboarding is a menace to pedestrians and road users,” says activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Not to mention the astronomical number of skateboarding-related injuries – hundreds of children flood the emergency rooms of @@NAME@@ as a result of skateboarding every year, which is costly to the taxpayers. Keep our streets safe and save a little cash at the same time. Hell, you could make even more money by ticketing those who violate this law.”
The Results: skateboarding is punishable by heavy fines

2. “Ticketing children for getting out of the house and exercising?” asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, a school teacher, in disbelief. “That’s outrageous! It’s true that skateboarding can be dangerous but so is walking down the stairs! You want to ban that too?! What we should do is pass laws requiring safety equipment for skaters – if we allocate a little bit of the tax payers’ money to the cause, we can build a skate park that will keep our children safe and away from others on the road too.”
The Results: skateparks can be found in every city.
Civil Rights +1
Taxes +2

3. “Yo, dude, I’ve got a better idea,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@ while executing a complicated 360° spin over your head. “What if skateboarding was the only way to get around? Wouldn’t that be cool? Skateboarding is cheap, healthy, and fun! Everyone should do it! You could improve, like, the quality of life for everyone by banning vehicles and making skateboarding the only legal way to travel. People’d love you for it, man. Well, apart from the guys who make cars and the like, I guess.”
The Results: skateboarding is the only legal way to travel.
Economy -16
Taxes -2

—————————————————————————–
#156: Waste Going To Waste, Says Industry Lobby [DeFranzania; ed:Reploid Productions]

The Issue
@@NAME@@’s industries have an ever-growing amount of toxic wastes to dispose of, and doing so in safe ways is becoming prohibitively expensive, leading a group of lobbyists to try and pressure the government into changing existing disposal laws.

The Debate
1. “These waste dumping laws are destroying our businesses!” rants @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the @@NAME@@ Bigger Business Bureau. “We need cheaper ways to eliminate industrial by-products, which really aren’t as harmful as people think, such as pouring them into rivers or deep ocean ravines where they’re harmless to us. Let’s remember that the products we manufacture make your life easier and more fun!”
The Result: Animals with strange deformities like three eyes and tentacles have been seen prancing through the countryside where industrial waste is dumped.
Economy +2

2. “A better way to deal with this problem is to convince the public it isn’t a problem at all,” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of Scamcorp, an industrial think tank. “Fudge some research, declare that the chemical by-products from industrial processing and production actually make one’s teeth and bones healthier. Then, sell them to municipalities to add to their drinking water! Yes! This will not only save us the trouble of disposing of the waste correctly, we’ll be able to sell it at a profit! I can taste the money already!”
The Result: the nation’s drinking water tends to glow green at night.
Economy +31
Taxes -2

3. “These corrupt, money-hungry corporations are only looking out for themselves and their bottom line!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an environmentalist from northern @@NAME@@. “The government needs to enact stricter laws for how these companies can dump their waste safely, and when they poison @@NAME@@’s people and environment, the government needs the authority and manpower to enforce harsh penalties! These companies make their messes, they should pay to clean them up!”
The Result: heavy industry must go to expensive lengths to dispose of waste.
Economy -4
Taxes +1

—————————————————————————–

#157: Sergeants Are Too Nasty, Say New Recruits [Mirkai; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A haggard group of new recruits in @@NAME@@’s army have spoken out against the brutal conditions experienced in their military training.

The Debate
1. “It’s atrocious!” wails Private @@RANDOMNAME@@, from amidst the cacophony of a parade cadence. “We’re forced to sleep in crowded barracks, on hard cots, and do the most inhumane exercises when we wake up! Just today I’ve had to crawl through a muddy minefield, climb a grease-coated wall, and to top it all off, get mangled by an angry drill sergeant! All we want is a little respect from the officers – maybe to sleep in until noon, and not have to get all sweaty and tired doing stupid things like marching and climbing ropes. Oh, and private bedrooms too – we’re risking our lives for the country, after all.”
The Result: military barracks resemble five-star hotels.
Taxes +2

2. “THEY WANT WHAT?!” screams Sgt. Burkz, while pressing back a rising vein on her neck. “This is WAR, not DAYCARE! If anything, the training standards should be tougher! If I want to whip some pasty-faced, beer-gutted greenhorn because he can’t climb over a razor-wire fence then I should be be given the permission to do so right away! The cry-babies won’t like it, but they can run home back to their rich daddies if that’s the way they’re having it. War isn’t a walk in the park, and training shouldn’t be either. For all our sakes.”
The Result: the nation’s infamous boot camp is more brutal than most battlefields.
Civil Rights -8

3. “Training, what a load of old hooey,” says renowned spendophobe and radio announcer, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “The only thing it teaches our soldiers is how to shine boots and fight plastic dummies. We’d be better off if we just dropped them into the fight so they could learn to shoot for themselves. There might be a few accidents, but it’ll be worth it for all the @@CURRENCY@@s we’ll save.”
The Result: soldiers are slaughtered in their thousands due to lack of training.
Taxes -4

4. “There is another way, you know…” whispers @@RANDOMNAME@@, the Chief of Secret Projects and Shiny Things in @@NAME@@’s military research department. “What if we started taking children and raising them from birth to fight? We’d be able to make them completely immune to propaganda, psychological warfare, and demoralisation. Not only would that stop the crying new recruits, it’d also give us a powerful military edge. People may not like giving up their kids, but that’s why we run the country. We know better.”
The Result: newborns are being raised as mindless killing machines.
Civil Rights -3
Taxes +1
Ideological Radicality +2

—————————————————————————–
#159: Think Tank Proposes Privatised Prisons [Yejuda and Shomron; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
In response to increasing costs of running state prisons, several government advisors have suggested allowing the private sector to play a greater role in managing @@NAME@@’s correctional facilities.

The Debate
1. “@@NAME@@’s prisons are in a ghastly state,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative for several large businesses. “The state now pays a fortune in @@CURRENCY@@s each day for every prisoner. My clients will be able to operate the prisons more efficiently and charge the state far less than they’re having to pay now. With our help, those in jail will be able to get themselves jobs to do and the government can imprison as many people as they like!”
The Result: hundreds of thousands of convicts work as slaves in NATION ‘s many privately-owned prisons
Taxes -3

2. “This is just another scheme by multinational corporations to turn our great nation into a corporate dictatorship!” claims @@RANDOMNAME@@, of the Social Justice League of @@NAME@@. “Just say NO to privatised prisons. We should be closing them all down so we can begin focusing on rehabilitation anyway!”
The Result: convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes.
Civil Rights +6

3. “Private prisons?! Rehabilitation?! How utterly ridiculous!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, @@NAME@@’s toughest police officer. “Both of these proposals will simply waste resources on the scum of society. I say that we should summarily execute all violent criminals and give their property to their victims.”
The Result: criminals are executed and their property seized.
Civil Rights -3

Issues 121-140

#121: A Uniform Plan For @@NAME@@’s Students? [Scheelia; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A random PTA meeting has brought the debate over school uniforms to your attention.

The Debate
1. “I think uniforms are great,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education during a cabinet meeting. “They instill a sense of community within our schools which lowers crime – and the pupils can go about their daily business without having to worry about being browbeaten by their classmates for not wearing the latest trainers. @@NAME@@ simply cannot do without them. If the children don’t like them, then hard cheese.”
The Result: school uniforms are compulsory.
Civil Rights -3
Wealth Gaps -2
Averageness +12

2. “Dude, your plan stinks,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of The Students Union. “Our clothing is part of who we are; it lets us express ourselves just by passing someone in the corridor. To say we must wear these inhibiting uniforms is an affront to our personal freedom! So back off with the uniforms, dude, students should be allowed to go to school dressed however they like. Or not dressed, if that’s their style.”
The Result: students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas.
Civil Rights +8

—————————————————————————–
#122: Pensioners In Protest [Emperor Matthuis; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Falling standards at @@NAME@@’s retirement homes have prompted OAPs to take to the streets and demand better treatment.

The Debate
1. “There needs to be more done for the elderly,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a resident of ‘This Old Man’ retirement home. “We can’t work to support ourselves anymore, and the pensions we get are measly. We need more benefits such as higher standards of living, free bus tickets, and a continuous supply of @@CURRENCY@@s. All it requires is a little more generosity on the part of the tax payers – after all, we fought the war for their sort.”
The Result: retirement homes are often fitted with luxurious suites.
Civil Rights +4
Taxes +2

2. “I’m not giving any of my hard-earned wages to a bunch of old fossils,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a devout taxpayer. “If they weren’t smart enough to save enough money for their later years, then why should the government pay out for them now? They had their chance and they didn’t take it. If they really want money so bad, they can go out and work for it like everyone else.”
The Result: senior citizens can usually be found doing heavy manual labour.
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#130: Filibuster Bust-Up [The Kennedy Family; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
Filibustering, where politicians attempt to keep a debate on new laws going indefinitely, has been plaguing recent attempts to pass bills. Several aged politicians have been orating non-stop throughout three days worth of debating time, stopping any legislation from being passed.

The Debate
1. “This sham of a tactic is totally demolishing our ability to accomplish anything!” complains @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Ministries. “Who cares if a few old fossils fail to see reason? The majority of the government clearly wants this legislation to pass! Just set a limit on the time a person can speak for; this really is demeaning to the democratic process!”
The Result: the government is a clear-cut case of tyranny by majority.
Civil Rights -6
Taxes -3

2. While taking a bathroom break before moving on to read aloud from the phonebook, @@RANDOMNAME@@ states: “It is a great thing for the minority and the oppressed that our system of government allows the filibuster to be utilised to harness the majority! Let the hills, the mountains, and the valleys reverberate with the sounds of our voices! We will not surrender to this repugnant legislation.”
The Result: legislation sometimes has to battle through weeks of filibustering to pass.
Political Freedoms +5
Taxes +3

3. “The filibuster is not enough to protect the minority, since they are too afraid of the tyrannical majority to use it,” says political commentator, @@RANDOMNAME@@. “I suggest that all legislation must require a unanimous vote before it can pass. That way, nobody goes away unhappy.”
The Result: the government is forced to pander to the will of every fruitcake politician.
Political Freedoms +10
Taxes +4

4. “Why do we need to debate legislature anyway?” questions @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Alternative Solutions, who also happens to be the best friend of your distant cousin. “Everything would be so much more simple if we just decide what to do, and do it. After all, we’re the ones who know what’s best for @@NAME@@. If the minority parties want to say something, they can submit it in writing.”
The Result: democratic debates have been removed from the government.
Political Freedoms -18
Taxes -5

—————————————————————————–

#131: Raise Duel Standards, Say Fencers [The Gaelic Freedmen; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A number of well-dressed gentlemen wearing a varied assortment of swords is insisting that they be allowed to settle their private disputes on the field of honourable battle.

The Debate
1. “We must be permitted our inherent right to defend our honour through feats of arms!” exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bewigged aristocrat sporting a particularly flamboyant swept-hilt rapier. “The right to duel is one found throughout history for the honourable settling of disputes and I must insist that my right to fight be recognised! The world would be so much better – and cheaper too – if conflicts of interest were sorted through trial by combat instead of trial by jury.”
The Result: murderers frequently escape punishment by claiming they were protecting their honour.
Civil Rights +5
Political Rights +2
Taxes -2

2. “Swords? Heavens, what dreadful things. All sharp and pointy – quite dangerous, you know,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, an ardent pacifist. “Duelling ought to be banned! The best way to settle these kind of arguments are through trials, we all know that. If we go ahead with what these duelling nutters want then innocent people will die! It will be a sad day when people value money more than justice. Apart from lawyers, obviously.”
The Result: long arduous trials are held for the most trivial of offences.
Civil Rights -2
Taxes +2

—————————————————————————–
#133: When @@ANIMAL@@s Attack! [The Class A Cows; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
After several reports of pet @@ANIMAL@@s violently attacking, injuring, and even killing citizens, there has been growing pressure from public safety activists for the government to take action.

The Debate
1. “These creatures are a danger to the public and must be destroyed!” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, representative of the Public Institution for Social Safety, Equality, and Direction. “I was attacked by one just on the way here and I nearly lost my life! They’re a public menace. We must shoot and burn them!”
The Result: ANIMALs deemed dangerous to the public are shot and hanged by the town hall as a warning to others.

2. “Why punish the poor things?” asks animal-lover @@RANDOMNAME@@, covered in scars from previous encounters with @@ANIMAL@@s. “All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I’m holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!”
The Result: the government funds large training centres to turn ANIMALs into functioning members of society.

3. “I agree that we shouldn’t kill them,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous lawyer. “But I don’t think the owner should get away with breaking the law! This is clearly a case of ‘intent to grievously harm’ if I ever saw it. All citizens should be held accountable of their pet’s actions as if they had done the act themselves. It’s the only way to be fair – after all, they’re just dumb animals.”
The Result: needs to be updated

4. “Who cares!?” screams @@RANDOMNAME@@ as he sends out his pirate radio station broadcast. “Just repeal any laws preventing us from shooting the things when they attack and we’ll be able to save ourselves without this stupid, authoritarian, overbearing government and legal system wasting our tax money!”
The Result: ANIMALs are frequently shot for looking at people ‘in a funny way’.
Taxes -1

—————————————————————————–
#136: Much Ado About Abortion [Aquilla; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A monstrous debate between pro-life and pro-choice groups has erupted after a high-profile case of a pregnant woman aborting her foetus because she ‘didn’t feel like it’ hit the tabloids.

The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, lawyer for the woman known only as Miss X, says, “It is Miss X’s right to choose! It’s her body; she can do whatever she wants with it. In the interest of women’s rights, abortion MUST be legal throughout the country!”
The Result: abortions are routinely performed in NATION’s hospitals.
Civil Rights +4

2. “I most vehemently disagree,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a pro-life activist. “I’m all for women’s rights in general, but what about the child? Does it have no rights either? Abortion is totally immoral and I insist that it be outlawed except in cases of rape, or when the mother’s life is in danger.”
The Result: abortion is only legal in unusual circumstances.

3. “You’re not going far enough! Abortion is murder!” shouts Reverend @@RANDOMNAME@@, waving a placard with a picture of a foetus on it. “God decides which babies live and which will die, not us! The government must maintain a stern anti-abortion stance to preserve the morality of @@NAME@@!”
The Result: abortions are carried out secretly in shady backstreet clinics.
Civil Rights -7
Taxes +2

4. “Abortion has to be legal if we’re going to last as a nation,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, President of the Society of Bitter Old People. “Have you ever thought that with @@NAME@@’s growing population of @@POPULATION@@, we soon aren’t going to be able to squeeze any more people within our borders? If we use abortion to control the population, we’ll make great savings and can spend the money elsewhere. One child per family should just about do it I think. Extraneous ones can be sold to other countries.”
The Result: families are only permitted to have one child.
Civil Rights -1

—————————————————————————–
#138: Keep The Greenbelt Green, Say Protesters [Big-Yellow-Taxi; ed:Sirocco]

The Issue
A group of environmentalists are protesting against plans to expand urban and suburban developments into greenbelts, the designated countryside between settlements.

The Debate
1. “Do we really have to listen to these nutcases?” asks real estate developer, Jonathon Cogswell. “The fact of the matter is that nature is BORING. Give us permission to build on the greenbelt and you’ll have pink hotels, boutiques, and swinging hot spots that’ll be the envy of the region and draw tourists from all around! We can always transplant a few trees and put them in a tree museum to keep the tree-huggers happy. @@NAME@@ stands to make a lot of money from this! Think about it for a moment!”
The Result: private business has started paving paradises and putting up parking lots.

2. “I agree with my colleague here, but he doesn’t go far enough,” says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a city planner. “These protestors are standing in the path of progress. It slows the growth of our economy and harms my portfolio – er – the future of our nation, I mean. It’s unpatriotic and we should increase police funding to deal with these troublemakers. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about greenbelts or any other nonsense about keeping the ‘environment’ safe. Think about it for a moment!”
The Result: needs to be updated

3. “I can’t believe what I’m hearing!” exclaims environmental activist @@RANDOMNAME@@. “Tree museums? Police funding? Don’t it always seem to be the case that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone? We’re talking about natural treasures and you’re talking about destroying them. Is there anything that you can build that can really be better than nature? We should put a stop to all encroachment into natural areas. Think about it for a moment!”
The Result: there’s a shortage of swinging hot spots as land development grinds to a halt
Taxes +1
Averageness +1
Eco-Friendliness +3
Employment -4
Environmental Beauty +65
Lifespan +1
Obesity -4
Pacifism +3
Sector: Manufacturing -1
Tourism +63
Toxicity -60
Unexpected Death Rate -1
Weaponization +1
Weather +16
Youth Rebelliousness -1